the beast

Angelic Heel Once More…

Hold on tight, business is picking up. Just 24 hours after WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Seth Rollins defended his title against Dean Ambrose at Money in the Bank, the WWE rolled into Cleveland, OH for Raw! The WWE Universe had no idea what was in store for it as the night began and was left buzzing with electricity as the night ended. Let’s just say Battleground (which can be seen on the WWE Network FREE for new subscribers in the month of June. And just the low low price of $9.99 for the rest of us.) will live up to its name. What happened? Find Out Now!




 As it should, the night began with our beloved WWE World Heavyweight Champion Seth Rollins. He was in high spirits as he proved all his detractors wrong when he single handedly defeated Dean Ambrose to retain his title. He graciously welcomed the WWE Universe to Monday Night Rollins, because as he so rightly stated, he is the best part of the show every week.

But on a serious note, he decided to thank everyone who helped him get to this point. Who did he thank? Why Seth Rollins and Seth Rollins and Seth Rollins, and let us not forget Seth Rollins! Why? Because as he stated (and I’ve been saying) he did NOT need anyone’s help. Not J & J Security (useless hobbits), not Kane (the devil’s favorite dinosaur) and not the Authority. He did it all on his own, who else would he thank?

Unfortunately, the well deserved celebration was cut short by none other than the Lunatic Fringe himself. He hobbled down to the ring looking for a fight, and a fight is what he got as Seth met him. The two brawled and Ambrose got the upper hand as he knocked the Undisputed Future from the ring. Rollins, decided he didn’t want to give more of his time to Ambrose, grabbed his title and went to the back leaving Ambrose in the ring.

Of course the Unstable One was not finished. He decided to take Raw hostage and stage a sit in. He said he was going to wait in the ring till Seth came back out and continued to fight. Luckily, the Authority has loyal WWE Superstars that they can call upon to take care of problems such as this and they sent out the new Mr. Money in the Bank, Sheamus to forcibly remove Ambrose from the ring.



Dean Ambrose vs Sheamus

Winner: Dean Ambrose

 What do you get when two men who love to fight get in the ring together? An all out brawl. The Celtic Warrior focused his attacks on Dean’s injured leg with hard blows and submission holds. But Dean fought back and even endured the unimaginable pain of Sheamus’ cloverleaf submission to scratch and claw his way to the ropes. Even with his injured leg, Ambrose was more than Sheamus could handle. His unique style apparently doesn’t require two legs to be effective.

Sheamus, having had enough punishment from the Ohioan, decided that it was best to live to fight another day as he grabbed his shiney new briefcase and attempted to leave the ring. Randy Orton on the other hand, disagreed and forced Sheamus back into the ring where he promptly lost the match to Ambrose. The Viper was just getting started as he laid into Sheamus and nearly got an RKO on the Irishmen before he did retreat to the back with his golden briefcase.

Everyone loves a good brawl. And this match surprised me. I didn’t think it would be nearly as good as it was. Not a slight on Ambrose, he is amazing. But Sheamus has been touch and go. Sometimes his matches hold my interest and sometimes I’d rather watch paint dry. But both men had an intensity and brought out an amazing fight that kept the WWE Universe on the edge of its seat.  Sheamus’ retreat being prevented by Orton was fun. I do like his feud that is developing between the Viper and the Celtic Warrior. I am looking forward to seeing if like St. Patrick, if the Irishmen can run this snake out of the WWE.


R-Truth vs King Barrett

Winner: R-Truth

 What’s funny about this match is that R-Truth wasn’t even aware he was in it at first. But once in the ring he took advantage of a distracted King Barrett and rolled the Englishman up for a VERY quick pin fall victory. Barrett however was less than amused as he took out his frustration at the mockery that Truth made of the crown by destroying R-Truth and leaving him in the middle of the ring.

This cracked me up. Truth is very funny but Wade getting a measure of revenge on the eccentric rapper was very fulfilling. Wonder how Truth will respond to the beat down?



Dolph Ziggler vs Kevin Owens

Winner: Kevin Owens

 Next up Kevin Owens. After he viciously attacked John Cena (get better John, the Cenation needs its leader!) the night before at Money in the Bank, the NXT Champion came out and informed the WWE Universe that Cena was not there that evening. He further went on to explain his actions post match. He stated that he felt the face that runs the place, disrespected him and he responded to it as only Kevin Owens can when he is disrespected. With extreme violence. And since The United States Champion  was not there to issue the awesome opportunity that is the open challenge, Owens took it upon himself to issue a challenge to anyone in the back.

Who would accept? Why the Show Off Dolph Ziggler! He came out and stated that he would gladly fight for the NXT Championship. That was not in the cards, as Owens then stated that the challenge was just to fight, not for the NXT Championship. Dolph Stuck around and the match began.

The match between Kevin Owens and Dolph Ziggler was closer than I thought it would be. Dolph came on early but Owens fought him off and took control of the match. Kevin dominated the Show Off but every time it seemed that the win was imminent, the Zig Man would find more energy and keep the fight going. the reversal of a pop up power bomb into a Zig Zag was a thing of pure beauty but not enough to keep Owens down.  Evenutally though, The NXT Champion did hit the pop up power bomb and get the victory over Dolph Ziggler.

This match was just as good as I figured it would be. I am loving Kevin Owens both on the microphone and in the ring. His work for my people is truly awe inspiring and brings a sadistic smile to my cruel little heart. Ziggler did give a good fight to the NXT Champion though and refused to go down easy. It made Kevin pull out all the stops, but he lso showed he could take the punishment of anything Dolph had to throw at him too. The loss to Owens… well I’m attributing that to the Lana curse. She’s bad news man. The guys she’s with seem to lose…



Kane vs Randy Orton

Winner: Kane

 Director of Operations, Kane took on the Viper next in singles competition. It was a heated match between the two former Authority brethren that saw both men get in some decent offence. Kane hit his signature side walk slam, and Randy hit an impressive power slam on the Corporate Demon. However thing went down hill quickly for Orton when the Celtic Warrior came down to the ring after Orton knocked Kane from the ring. Kane then used his power as the Director of Operations to turn the match into a no holds barred/no DQ match. Sheamus then slid into the ring and both he and Kane double teamed the Viper and allowed Kane to pick up the win.

Totally figured something like this was going to happen. No way Sheamus lets the actions of the Viper go unpunished from earlier in the evening. The Viper and The Celtic Warrior just plan don’t like each other. And who wins between these two? The WWE Universe. How? Well we get to see these to fight of course. duh! Not much to say about the match itself. It was good in some places and dragged on in others. Like Chin locks? Want to put me to sleep? Just put someone in a chin like for a minute. I’m out.


the miz

The Miz vs Big Show

Winner: The Miz

 When one thinks of the Miz taking on the Big Show, one expects it to end one way. The Big Show dominating the Miz. But the Awesome one had a game plan. He used his speed to his advantage and let Show chase him around. But The Miz isn’t the only one who was crafty. The world’s largest athlete faked a knee injury to bring the Hollywood A Lister within striking distance and then the match started to resemble what we had all anticipated. The Miz getting tossed around like a rag doll.

Though things would become more interesting in this hunt for the Intercontinental Championship title. Ryback was sitting doing commentary when for some reason, The Big Show picked up the Miz and threw him on to Ryback! This began a heated verbal altercation between the Intercontinental Champion and the Giant. The Miz, being ever the opportunist, recovered enough to slide back into the ring as the ref counted the Big Show out to give the victory to The Miz.

Been saying it for a while now. Triple Threat… I smell it. It’s hitting the WWE Universe in the face with its triple threatness. And it’s a triple threat I am really interested in seeing. I can see how it would go to. Miz lets the two behemoths destroy one another and then he slides in and wins the IC title. I’m surprisingly okay with this and support it. Cuz that would be AWESOME!!



Roman Reigns Calls Out Bray Wyatt

 At Money in the Bank, Roman all but had the briefcase won. But Bray Wyatt came out of the shadows and thwarted his victory. On Monday, the Big Dog demanded answers and demanded that the Eater of World’s come down and get his ass kicked good and proper. The new face of fear had a different plan as he appeared on the screen and began to speak to Reigns.

Why did Bray attack Roman? Why he cost him his chance to be in the match so anyone but Roman had to win the match. Also something about them being in a balance of good vs evil (I think that’s what he said. You know I’m still learning Wyattese.) Bray promised that the two would fight, but not so close to father’s day as what kinda example would that set. He then held up a picture of Roman and his daughter while singing “I’m a little tea pot.” If looks alone could kill, the look on Roman’s face would have ended Bray Wyatt.

This segment gave me chills. I loved it. It was wicked and just made me adore Bray Wyatt. There might also be a little bit of fear for his safety because Roman will destroy him if he even remotely goes anywhere near his daughter. But this feud ascended to a new level in just a few short minutes. It was creepy, intense and spectacular. Do I want to see more? You bet I do!



Paige vs The Bella Twins

2 on 1 Handicap Match

Winner: The Bella Twins

 Paige’s mission to change the diva’s division is not exactly being met with huge support from the other Divas. In an attempt to get the other ladies on her side, she challenged the Bella twins to a 2 on 1 handicap match. For the most part Paige held her own. She isolated one twin away from the other and looked to pin Brie but Nikki made the save. Brie made the tag to Nikki and one fore arm and a Rack Attack later, Paige was pinned.

I will hand it to the Bellas. They are stepping up their in ring game. This match was decent by main roster Divas match standards. Paige is always wonderful in the ring and I enjoy watching her work. I have a love hate relationship with the Bellas, I love to hate them, but their matches don’t suck any more. As far as this feud goes, it’s a bit on the fun side. I wonder who will actually step up and help Paige. Could Charlotte get the bump up to the main roster since none of the other Divas are stepping up for change? Could be interesting.



Kevin Owens Is No Fan Of MGK

 Oh Kevin Owens… I think my dark little heart has just fallen in love. I am not a fan of Machine Gun Kelly. And his preformance made me want to stab my eardrums with a screw driver just to make it stop. What I did instead was fast forward the DVR. But who came out to defend the WWE Universe against MGK? NXT Champion Kevin Owens. How? He powerbombed MGK off the stage. I feel like I should send him flowers. Thank You Kevin Owens.



The New Day vs The Prime Time Players & Neville

Winner: The Prime Time Players & Neville

 The New Day seem to be going through some hard times. They lost the titles and then the next night they faced the Prime Time Players who teamed with Neville. The New Day started out well enough. The match was pretty even but it was the Achilles heel of Kofi Kingston’s busted ribs from being power bombed into a ladder the night before that spelled the down fall for the New Day. No amount of positivity would keep their opponents from zeroing in on the bandaged ribs of the high flyer. The new WWE Tag Team Champions and their partner, the man that gravity forgot got the win after Darren Young hit his finisher (which apparently has no name but looks cool as hell) and then tagged in Neville who hit the Red Arrow to pick up the win over the clappers.

While this match was fun to watch, there isn’t much to care about. Sure the Prime Time Players are cool, Neville is like visual crack when he’s in the ring and the New Day are just funny with all their clapping, but it’s hard to get drawn into it when there isn’t much of a story. The New Day should be receiving a rematch for the titles. Perhaps Neville teaming with the PTP is to even the odds for when this match does take place. No numbers game advantage. Either way, as fun as the match was to watch, not sure what I’m supposed to be caring about here.



The Authority Announces Who Is Next In Line For A Title Opportunity

 All night the WWE Universe (and our fighting Champion Seth Rollins) has been wondering who would be his next opponent for the title. The Authority leaders came out and addressed this question. They considered many people and stated that it would not be Jamie Noble, Kane, or Dean Ambrose. This brought out our beloved Champion who had a huge smile on his face.

The Future of the WWE assured Triple H and Stephanie that no matter who they put in front of him, that he would beat them just like he beat Dean Ambrose. Triple H then told Seth that it was time to see whether he crumbled under the pressure or turned into the diamond that he hoped he would become. Rollins assured Hunter that he was up to the challenge. Who would be the man to challenge Seth Rollins for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship?

Brock Lesnar…

The Beast’s music hit and he came down to the ring followed by his advocate Paul Heyman. They entered the ring and Paul shook hands with both Stephanie and Hunter. Lesnar on the other hand, was focused strictly on the current champion. As he stared Rollins down, our champion deciding to live to fight another day, backed down from the hyped up beast and regrouped to up the ramp.

OMG… The Beast is back… I am both excited and extremely worried for the Undisputed future of the WWE. He will be facing Lesnar alone. While I have faith he will over come this obstacle it will mean a trip to Suplex City. But it’s okay. He is the Architect. He will come up with a plan to slay the Beast. Everyone knows that Heyman is the brains of that duo. If Seth uses his speed and mental supremacy, then he has more of a chance than anyone else (besides me) is giving him. Seth is a fighting champion and has proved he does not need anyone. It will be the hardest fight of his career, but he will come out on top.



Angelic Heel

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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