Angelic Heel Reporting…

Thursday’s continued to be hard hitting nights of fun with WWE’s Smackdown! Fresno, CA was the scene of the first installment of the blue brand post Wrestlemania and it put us on our merry way to Extreme Rules. With the events of this past Monday night, how would our beloved champion, Seth Rollins react? With Sheamus‘ return, how would that bode for the Intercontinental Championship division? Inquiring minds want to know! Find out what happened on WWE’s Smackdown!


Seth Rollins Addresses the WWE Universe, Randy Orton Rudely Interrupts

 The night began in grand fashion as the WWE Universe was blessed by an appearance from our one and true World Heavy Weight Champion, Seth Rollins! He decided to graciously attempt to explain to those who still refuse to buy in, exactly what happened on Monday night with former champion Brock Lesnar. He told us that he was more than willing to give Brock his rematch, but that on Monday the new demands of being champion had simply made that not best for business. The WWE Universe deserved him at his very best, and after flying back and forth across the country, he simply was not at his best on Raw.

The Savior of the WWE also went on to explain that if Brock had not proven that he was an uncontrollable animal that had laid waste to innocent announcers and camera men, that perhaps that that rematch could have taken place on Smackdown. Unfortunately it would not, because the Beast Incarnate had gotten himself indefinitely suspended.

Randy Orton, at this point, decided that it was his place to interrupt the new face of the company and remind Seth that he was never granted his rematch for the title from the previous Wrestlemania and that at the one that had just taken place, that he had beaten Seth. He further stated that these two facts put him at the front of the line to challenge Rollins for the title, since Lesnar was no longer with us and all. He further went on to insult each member of the Authority before Kane shut him down and informed him that as the Director of Operations, he had the Authority to reconsider Orton’s shot at the title, and if he could beat the Big Show in a match, he might just grant him a title opportunity at Extreme Rules. Of course, the match with the Big Show started right then and there!



Randy Orton vs The Big Show

Winner: Randy Orton

 This match was short lived but it did see the two men get extremely physical with one another. Orton held his own and was making quick work of the giant, even landing an impressive hung rope (from the top rope) DDT on the Big Show. However, J & J Security rushed Orton and attacked him as he appeared to be setting the Big Show up for an RKO. This caused the DQ giving Orton the victory. The members of the Authority would then continue their beating of the Viper. As new face of the WWE, Seth Rollins entered the ring to deliver his beating to Orton, Randy sprang up and pounced on the champion and proceeded to deliver quick blows before he was pulled off of the Future of the WWE. Kane put an end to the FORMER faces’ attack with a brutal choke slam. Just then the crowd erupted as Ryback inserted himself in business that did not concern him. The Big guy stormed the ring and provided back up to Orton. As Seth regrouped up the ramp, Randy and Ryback decimated Kane and J & J Security with RKOs and Shell Shocks.

Honestly, as much as I enjoy a good beating on someone who would do Seth harm, I love watching Big Show get pummeled more and could have watched that for  just a wee bit longer I’m pretty sure that they need to cut back Jamie and Joey’s caffeine intake. I give them an A for effort but they are responsible for giving Randy the victory and a possible shot at Rollins’ hard fought for and well deserved title. Ryback sticking himself where he doesn’t belong just proves that having him and the other decenters back in the WWE was not best for business. They are only going to continue to cause trouble for the Authority. I see a tag match of some sort happening in the near future, Ryback and Randy vs two valiant members of the Authority.



Natalya vs Naomi

Winner: Naomi

 These two Divas had a great match. It was a back and forth of skill and counters as each woman jockeyed to find advantage over the other. they displayed great athleticism and the moves the match did not stop being entertaining at any point. Nattie and Naomi were both out to prove that they belonged as the number one contender for Nikki Bella’s title. Their use of powerful hard hitting moves and submissions kept the WWE Universe’s attention solidly on the action. The victory came for Naomi when she spiked Natalya’s head into thee canvas to pick up the pin fall.

This was a decent match. I’m so happy to not dread Diva’s competition lately. This match was just another in a growing line of good work from the Main Roster female competitors. Their work is quickly getting on par with their male counterparts. Good job ladies! Also stoked that each of these womens’ husbands were not ring side. They both got to shine based on their own skills and not who their husband may or may not be. This win does put Naomi back in contention for the championship. But then again, we have other contenders in AJ Lee and Paige as well. Perhaps a tournament to decide who is the true number one contender for the title is? Could be fun. You can has that idea WWE *winks*


the miz

The Miz vs R-Truth

Winner: The Miz

 Looks like R-Truth is back to being a Jobber as he lost very quickly to the Miz after a Skull Crushing finale. The match itself was nothing spectacular. However, as the Miz celebrated his victory, Damien Mizdow flew into the ring, surprised the Hollywood A lister and delivered a Skull Crushing Finale of his own. As the Miz lay in the middle of the ring Mizdow took up the money making sun glasses and posed triumphantly for the WWE universe.

Oh how I love where this is going. Yes I know, Mizdow is a face, everyone has their flaws, but I like him anyway. This feud with the Miz is perhaps the best feud going in the WWE. It was a slow build and it somehow means more than most other stories being told. Perhaps I am on Mizdow’s side because I’ve been a fan of his through out his dress up days and before when his thinking made him better than all the uneducated masses.



John Cena and Rusev Exchange Words

 Just when I thought the night was going to be near perfect, the man I truly wished I could not see, ruined it for me. John Cena came out in all his patriotic glory to address the WWE Universe. He stated that on Monday he had issued an open challenge to anyone in the locker room who wanted a shot at the United States Championship and that he would continue to do so every week (oh joy… I’m so excited…*eye roll*) Then there was something else about yay United States that really fired up the pro Cena crowd. I say pro Cena because let’s face it, they cheered and didn’t sing the words to my favorite song in WWE (you know the words, John Cena Sucks, John Cena Sucks, etc)

Well having heard enough of John Cena flapping his spot light whoring gums, Rusev came out with Lana. Of course Rusev was a little on the delusional side, he insisted that he had not been beat at Wrestlemania and the title was still his and that Cena should just hand it back to him. Cena told Rusev he was drunk and to lay off the vodka, because he HAD beaten him at Wrestlemania and he HAD won the title. But because he was a fighting champion he would give Rusev a shot at the title at Extreme Rules in a few weeks. There was more insults and barbs traded but the end result was a great big American Flag unfurling above the ring and Cena parading around with the title.

It’s a good build to their eventual rematch. Don’t let my loathing of Cena make you think I’m anti-America. I’m not, I love my country, I hate our champion. I would rather the US hating Russian be my champion than Cena. But if I’m totally honest, I’d rather see the belt around Ambrose’s waist. Just sayin, he held the belt the longest of anyone and in my eyes, it is still his. So WWE #GiveDeanAmbroseAChance!



Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper

Winner: No Contest

 Speaking of Dean Ambrose… Guy can’t catch a break from getting powerbombed into objects that hurt. He was put into a match with Luke Harper as punishment for using the Authorities private restroom. Of course the Lunatic fringe didn’t see it as punishment and thought it pretty cool. So at the on set of the bell Luke Harper and Dean Ambrose tore into one another and exchanged hard hitting blows and submission holds. Each wanting to finish what had been begun at Wrestlmania when Harper powerbombed Dean into the Steel ladders ending his time in the ladder match. Their slug-fest ended abruptly after Luke Harper powerbombed the Unstable one into the announce table forcing the referee to end the match and not declaring a winner. So I am assuming it was a no contest and no one wins.

I love how these two men work in the ring together. Their styles have similarities in that both are described as unorthodox brawler types, but they both have the ability to shock us with moves we just didn’t see coming. Now I do have a question, when Dean was on the outside by the announce table, did he really think he could powerbomb Luke Harper? Cuz that is what it looked like before Harper reversed and slamed Ambrose into the table. And since the bell never rang to end the match, does that mean it’s still going on? I know that’s Curtis Axel Logic, but if he could still be in the Royal Rumble for 60+ days why can’t there still be a match going on between Luke Harper and Dean Ambrose?  As feuds go, this would be nice to see build into something at Extreme Rules. Maybe a TLC match perhaps? I mean Harper has already slammed Dean into a ladder and a table, only thing missing is the chair.


Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan

Winner: Sheamus

 So Sheamus is back. Before the match, the Irishman basically said he was tired of seeing the vertically challenged competitors succeed and he was there to destroy their hopes and dreams. cool shit, I think I may get behind this under dog destroying warrior. Enter the ultimate under dog, and Intercontinental champion, Daniel Bryan. In a match that turned out to be a battle of the barn animals (Bryan = Goat & Sheamus = roided up albino rooster), the two tore into one another at the get go.

The match was very physical with Sheamus pulling off powerful moves and using both his size and strength to over power his opponent. Daniel would fight back as he is want to do and landed a few counters and hard hitting moves of his own, but as a B+ player he just could not hang with the celtic Warrior. Though it was pretty cool him getting out of the 10 beats of the bodhran. Though Sheamus has been working on his offense as well and the suplex where he just dropped Db was brutally beautiful. The match spilled to the outside near the announce table where Bad News Barrett sat doing commentary and when the ref was distracted (cuz WWE refs are prone to A.D.D.) BNB hit a Bull Hammer Elbow that knocked Bryan cold allowing Sheamus to pick up the count out victory.

I suppose this victory (gods i hate count outs…) puts Sheamus in line for an IC title shot. Monday maybe? Extreme Rules perhaps? Who knows but the battle of the barn yard animals is sure to have a part two. I enjoyed this match. Sheamus is just a straight up physical specimen who will destroy anything in his path to make the under dogs learn their proper place. D-Bry to his credit did put up a good fight but it was only a matter of time before he was Brough Kicked into next week.




Angelic Heel

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *