Angelic Heel happily reporting once more!


Wrestlemania (shown on the WWE Network for just $9.99)was an insane emotional roller coaster for the WWE Universe. We laughed, we cried, we cheered, we screamed and quite possible threw things at our televisions. The night was filled with an electricity that buzzed and intensified as the WWE Superstars and Divas gave us everything they had and more. Championships were on the line at the Showcase of the Immortals and surprises were abundant. How did the grand daddy of them all play out? Find out now!!


Wrestlemania Kick Off Matches


Cesaro & Tyson Kidd vs Los Matadores vs the Usos vs The New Day

Tag Team Title Match

Winner: Cesaro & Tyson Kidd

Admittedly this match did not hold too much appeal to me as it involved two teams i could care nothing about, and two teams i enjoyed. But all four teams put on a show that blew me out of the water. From the onset of the bell, Cesaro & Tyson Kidd, The Usos, Los Matadores, and the New Day stepped up and took the fight to one another. With only two men allowed to be legal at one time, it was a flurry of hot tags and on more than one occasion the WWE Universe was left to ask, who exactly are the legal men?  At the beginning of the match, Cesaro sent Jey Uso crashing to the ground where he was injured and taken to the back by the medical staff and left Jimmy to attempt the impossible and win a tag team match on his own against 3 other teams at full strength.

The action was fast and furious and often times spilled out onto the floor. This benefited each team as every single one of them had been accompanied by another person. At one point Natalya was used as a shield by Kidd (cuz that’s what good wives do after all.) El Torito and Naomi would also find reason to get involved in the competition. The referee had his hands full in the attempt to bring order to the chaos. Oddly enough, he was probably the only person who actually kept track as the rest of the WWE universe was busy watching the high paced insane match that delivered moves such as a DOUBLE tower suplex and Cesaro using his opponents as weapons once again. On the real, that man is SCARY strong.

The match came to it’s conclusion when Cesaro tagged himself in, unbeknownst to Jimmy Uso, after the Samoan high flier left the top rope to deliver a devastating splash onto a prone Big E. Cesaro pinned the New Day member and secured the victory for his team to retain their WWE Tag Team Titles.

Very exciting match. It was an intense, high flying match that saw all men involved in the match and their hangers oners step up their game. It must be in the Wrestlemania water because this was just the first match of a night of amazing matches and surprises. With this huge victory, Tyson Kidd and Cesaro have cemented their right to hold the titles. They are fighting champions who will talk a big game and then back it up with the right results.


Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Winner: The Big Show

 Thirty men start in the ring all at once. When the bell rings, the object is to be the last man standing in the ring. The smart strategy is to always take out the bigger giant men first. Who did 29 WWE Superstars decide that their collective alliance should be used on? Curtis Axel. Yes he actually made it to the ring, I was so proud of the Axelmania front man. But at the same time, let it never be said that the locker room was unable to get along on one solid occasion. After the unceremonious dumping of Axel, the men in the ring then turned on one another and the bodies began to fly and the car crash of an over the top rope battle royal began full force much to the delight of the WWE Universe.

It went pretty much as one would expect, tag teams worked together till they were both eliminated and rivals did their damnedest to get one another out. The favorites to win were of course the larger men like Big Show, Kane, and Ryback. No one saw NXT competitor, Hideo Itami (who won the opportunity to take place in the battle royal after winning a tournament at Wrestlemania Axxess.) as a threat, but the angry Japanese man was no push over and made an impact on the main roster competitors until he was eliminated by Ryback.

The Big Show dominated the match getting elimination after elimination till it came down to just him and the team of the Miz and his personal assistant, Damien Mizdow. And now one would think that the two would work together to eliminate the GIANT threat in the ring. But no, Mizdow did exactly what I knew he would. He turned on the Hollywood A Lister and eliminated the Miz before he turned his attention to the 7 ft monster still in the ring. Now, I will give Damien his due, he looked amazing a he went toe to toe with the World’s largest Athlete and he nearly won the match. He got Show over the top rope but could not get him off the apron and on the ground. Damien even resorted to biting the giant’s rope gripping fingers as he pulled out all the stops in his battle to win. In the end though, Big Show’s strength and size were the deciding factors as he eventually did eliminate Damien Mizdow from the match winning the 2nd Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

Such a fun battle royal. Not even upset that Big Show won. Before you throw your stones at me, let me explain. He won the battle royal right? now he can go to the retirement home a winner instead of the washed up has been we all know him to be. I’m not even upset Mizdow didn’t win. The implosion of him and the Miz happened exactly as i predicted and Damien looked amazing as he stood facing thee Big Show fearlessly with the crowd behind him. Even in defeat Mizdow looked like a star. Don’t worry folks, this is not the last we will see of Damien Mizdow.



Bad News Barrett vs Daniel Bryan vs Dean Ambrose vs Luke Harper vs Dolph Ziggler vs R-Truth vs Stardust

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match

Winner: Daniel Bryan

The match that everyone was already biting their nails in anticipation for, is the match that officially opened the 31st Wrestlemania, and what a way to begin. All seven men brought their A game as one of the most coveted titles in the WWE was suspended above the ring. As the bell rang complete pandemonium broke out as every competitor set out to destroy one another to such a point that they could set up a ladder and claim the gleaming prize. The action, predictable found its way to the outside of the ring as which set up Dean Ambrose to deliver a jaw dropping flying elbow onto the other sic men that would have left Randy Savage proud.

Every WWE Superstar seemed to have secret weapons but I will say my favorite would be Stardust’s bedazzled ladder the, Exo-Atmospheric Starbird. Unfortunately, Bad News Barrett destroyed it before the cosmic superstar would get the chance to use it to win the title for himself. Of Course, Wade was just getting started as he further incapacitated the Superstar formerly known as Cody Rhodes with a superplex. The Lunatic Fringe was the next man to be taken out as Luke Harper (who had earlier done his best impression of a helicopter as he used a ladder to take out the other men that he had rested on his shoulders,) powerbombed Ambrose onto a steel ladder.

The swamp rat then began his ascent up the ladder only to have Dolph Ziggler lock on a sleeper hold that he refused to release even as Luke climbed the ladder. The Show Off must not have thought the consequences of such an action out fully, for as Harper crashed to the unforgiving mat bellow, he took Ziggler down with him. However, the little engine that could that is Dolph Ziggler picked himself up and began to make a grab for the title only to receive a Bull Hammer elbow from the champion who then dispensed brutal elbows to anyone that moved. But it was a running knee from the WWE’s resident farm animal that dispatched the champion from the match.

Daniel Bryan began to climb the ladder only to be met at the top by a mostly recovered Dolph Ziggler. Both men fought atop the ladder with hard punches and eventually the two began a battle of the head butts. But Someone should have informed Dolph of the ill advised  notion of getting into sch a battle with a goat as it was Daniel Bryan’s thick skull that won. Ziggler fell to the mat from the ladder and we now have a goat faced troll as our Intercontinental Champion.

Such a breath takingly amazing match. I knew this match would be amazing and it more than delivered. There was always something going on. It had me screaming at the tv, biting my nails, and wondering if I should invest in heart meds with how many times it felt like my heart stopped watching this match. Each man gave it their all for the fans. With Daniel Bryan as champion, it opens up the chance for so many more amazing matches. I will give the B+ player his due, he does put on a great match. And I will give him kudos for FINALLY winning the IC championship. But if anything it just proves that he is a B+ player since it took him this long to win the coveted title.


Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins

Winner: Randy Orton

 The Face vs The Future. The Architect vs the Viper. For some reason Randy Orton felt he was entitled to more retribution against the Savior of the WWE. But if he thought it was going to be easy, Randy had another thing coming to him. The match took on a fevered pace as each man went hold for hold and counter for counter. Orton attempted to end the match with an early RKO but Rollins was able to slip out and avoid the move. But there was no rest to be found as Randy continued to push his way into a turn buckle powerbomb from Mr. Money in the Bank.

With offensive momentum now his, Rollins delighted in punishing Orton but the Viper refused to give up as he battled back and eventually took out J & J Security as well with a double DDT onto the floor of the arena. But this distraction was all Seth needed to take back control as he executed a spring board moonsault onto Orton to the outside.

Once back in the ring, the two men would continue to show how well they knew one another as they continued to counter each others signature moves, neither keeping the advantage for long. Not even a beautifully executed RKO would keep Rollins down as he kicked out of the pin, much to Randy’s surprise. But the favor was returned as the Viper would kick out of a curb stomp as well.  At this point, Rollins knew he needed to pull out all the stops and positioned the Face for the move that the WWE Universe as only seen once before. The Phoenix Splash. However, Randy rolled out of the way, and Seth had the presence of mind to roll out the momentum and not crash and burn into the mat. Randy though was now in perfect position for a curb stomp and Rollins went for it. But in possibly the most shocking counter to the curb stomp I have ever seen, Randy used Seth’s momentum and tossed him up into the air and caught him by the neck to deliver the biggest RKO out of nowhere for the 1, 2,3.

Yet another match that took my breath away. At this point in the event i’m wondering when i will get a chance to catch my breath and get my heart to slow down from all the non-stop excitement that each match is giving the WWE Universe. I’m so in awe of this match I’m not even upset that Seth lost it. Both men put on a helluva show and gotta figure this won’t be the end for either of them. No way Seth will take losing like this laying down, much less having his Curb Stomp countered in such a manor that we’ve never seen before. Each match the Architect learns something new about his opponent and Seth has just learned that much more about Randy. When next they meet in singles competition, Rollins will own Orton.


hhhTriple H vs Sting

No Disqualification

Winner: Triple H

In a no disqualification match that would see the Defender of the WWE and the man who knows what’s best for business, Triple H, took on the Vigilante trouble maker and last of the WCW hold outs, Sting. As the bell rang, the Monday Nigh Wars seemed to come to life once more for the WWE Universe.  As the bell rang, the crowd was already chanting “this is awesome” before the to competitors even locked up. But once they did, Sting appeared to gain the early advantage. But Triple H, ever being a student of the game, adapted to the unfamiliar style of Sting and unleashed hell upon the painted freak in the form of brutal strikes and eventually the King of Kings hit the Stinger with his signature flying knee. A move that has won him many a match in his illustrious career (and a move that a certain troll face now uses to win his matches <.<). However, the move did not put down Sting who just stood up unfazed.

The two continued to battle and exchange blows. The fight spilled out of the ring and onto the floor where Triple H introduced Sting to the steel steps all proper like. Hunter rolled his prey back in the ring and pressed the advantage only to be caught in the Scorpion Death lock. As things looked their bleakest for the WWE’s COO, D-Generation X flew down to the ring in support of their general. Their aid allowed Triple H to hit a pedigree on the invader but he only got the near fall as Sting kicked out at two. Just as the Game was reunited with his faithful sledge hammer, the NWO stuck their nose where it was not needed nor wanted as they came down to the ring in defense of the last WCW soldier.

DX and NWO came to blows and took each other out and it was once again, one on one between Sting and Triple H as the Monday Night War was in full force out side the ring around them. It was sledgehammer vs bat as the two once again began to punish the other. But Hunter had one last ace in the hole. The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels appeared from no where and delivered sweet chin music to Sting, but once again only a two count was the result. It took a blow from the business end of the sledgehammer to the Scorpion to put him down for the three count, solidifying WWE’s dominance over WCW once more.

This match was an Attitude Era fan’s wet dream. Finally the two most iconic forces of each company stood in the same ring and did their best to dismantle one another as the champion of each company fought it out. Mad props to Triple H for shaking Sting’s hand in the end. I suppose if Hunter can give Sting respect, so can I. As long as he keeps his damn painted up freakish nose out of WWE Business. It’s official, he lost the last battle for WCW. Now he can ride off into the sunset with his stupid crow and creepy music. All hail the King of Kings, Triple H!


The Bella Twins vs AJ Lee & Paige

Winner: AJ Lee & Paige

The big question on everyone’s mind was would AJ and Paige really be able to remain a team and take out the Bellas who share a sisterly bond that began in the womb. Paige and Nikki started off the match and the Diva’s champion took control early. We then saw the masterfully brilliant strategy of the Bella twins as they kept AJ knocked down from the ring apron with every chance they got. Nikki and Brie kept up with their quick tags and took turns punishing the pale former Diva’s champion.

Paige showed her fortitude as she continued to kick out of the pin attempts made on her and fight back against the Bella twins till she was able to make the tag to her partner, AJ Lee. Once in the match Lee took control and punished the Diva’s Champion and her twin sister. The flurry of blows was enough to keep the twins reeling and AJ was able to lock in the Black Widow to earn the submission win.

It was a match shorter than the others on the card but it did not lack anything. This is the BEST main roster Divas match I have had the pleasure to witness. Each woman gave it their all and showed that they are just as talented as their male counter parts. Yes, I am giving props to the Bellas. They have really stepped up their game and impressed me to the point where I can no longer deny their abilities. Do I like them? Nope, but at least it’s not Summer Rae or Cameron. Still really want to see a fatal 4 way between these four women for the title.


John Cena vs Rusev

United States Title Match

Winner: John Cena

In what became a USA vs Russia battle straight out of an 80’s action movie, Rusev took on John Cena in a defense for the United States Championship. The two wasted no time in tearing into each other. Cena with a clothesline and Rusev with a brutal leg lariat. Rusev took control and began to pepper the leader of the Cenation with viscous headbutts that kept John on the defensive, only to follow it up with a huge splash to the American hero in an attempt to shut down the “USA” chants that permeated through the arena.

But the hero of the Russian Federation took his eyes off the prize and allowed Cena to catch his breath and mount a rally that allowed a Five knuckle shuffle and an Attitude Adjustment attempt that the Bulgarian Brute countered before he took control of the fight once more with a belly to belly suplex. The two continued to trade offensive blows, neither able to fully gain control over the other. John Cena even pulled off moves we don’t typically witness from his limited arsenal. But eventually he was able to lock the STF onto Rusev. Now here’s where things get a bit odd. In an attempt to help her meal ticket, Lana, threw her shoe into the ring. It was unneeded as Rusev made it to the ropes anyway and forced the break.

Again the match continued as both men brought out the very best in one another as neither man would stay down long enough for the ref to get a three count. Yes, Rusev landed a head but from the top rope, yes Cena spring boarded off the middle rope into a weird stunner move, yet neither man would give up. Even being locked in the Accolade did not stop Cena and he accomplished something no other competitor of Rusev’s has ever done. He lifted Rusev up and broke the brutal submission that has become the Super Athlete’s signature move.

In another attempt to help Rusev, Lana climbed onto the ring apron and began to yell at the referee as the face that thinks it runs the place was positioning his opponent for yet another STF. This distraction allowed Rusev to rise and charge Cena, who moved away in the nick of time avoiding the larger man. Lana on the other hand was less fortunate and was knocked down to the ground hard. Cena took advantage of the injured woman and caught Rusev with an Attitude Adjustment to deliver to the Russian resident his first official pin fall loss.

So this would make John Cena the new United States Champion… Why do I have the sudden urge to move to Canada? I was probably the only person rooting for Rusev. And no it’s not because I hate America or agree with the crap he’s been saying. BUUUT it is a free country and everyone in it has the right to say what they will whether we agree with it or not. And Hey, it isn’t disrespectful to have an America hating Bulgarian as the US Champion. If anything it validates the US title. Rusev is an immigrant who came to this great land of opportunity and freedom to make his living and enjoy the same freedoms we all have. And one of those is, the Freedom of speech.  And I would rather have the USA hating foreigner as my United States Champion than a spotlight whoring bully who doesn’t know that his time has passed.


The Authority Addresses the WWE Universe, The Rock interrupts with a Guest.

It is always a good time when the Authority leaders of Stephanie McMahon and Triple H come out and address the crowd. I always love seeing the two people who are responsible for the current success of the WWE. Because of Stephanie and her family, Wrestlemania broke an attendance record at Levi Stadium with 76,976 people.  It was only right that the WWE’s power couple take credit and state the obvious that all the superstars in the back, employed by them are in a way owned by them. And that the people in attendance and watching all over the world are owned by them (I bought in ages ago, I am totally at peace giving myself to the Authority.)

Not everybody has reached my level of enlightenment and understanding of what is best for business, and out came the Rock to rudely interrupt the Game and his bride in their well deserved time to bask in their accomplishments. In typical Rock fashion, he insulted both Stephanie and Hunter.  Stephanie responded by slapping the taste out of the Rock’s mouth and ordering him to leave HER ring because she doubted that he would hit a woman.

And that was true, the Rock would never hit a woman but Ronda Rousey on the other hand, has no problems hitting another woman. The Rock did leave the ring. But only to step ringside and bring Rousey over the barricade and into the squared circle. Stephanie ordered the pair of them to leave her ring and neither budged. As thing continued to escalate, The Rock eventually, attacked Hunter. Eventually Ronda too fond herself in the fray as she delivered her signature hip toss to The game and caught Stephanie in an armbar as she attempted to slap the UFC Octagon veteran. Rosey eventually released her prey and Steph and Hunter eventually made their way back to the back.


The Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt

Winner: The Undertaker

For weeks, Bray Wyatt has been taunting the Undertaker. He challenged him to a match at Wrestlemania and eventually the Undertaker accepted. Now it’s Wrestlemania and it’s like Christmas for Bray Wyatt because the Undertaker appeared in the flesh to do battle with the Eater of Worlds.  When the bell rang, Wyatt charged Taker but was met with a huge boot to his bearded face. The Phenom would continue to deliver his signature strikes and amazed the WWE Universe when he went old school and walked the top rope (marked out big time!)

Bray Wyatt however weather the physical storm and waited for his opportunity to turn the tables on the Deadman and wrest offensive control from the Undertaker. He focused his attacks on Takers head knowing that it was a concussion that played the largest part in the broken streak from last year. But the veteran of the squared circle still had plenty of fight left in him as he countered and went to lock in Hell’s Gate on the man who would be known as the new face of fear. Bray freed himself and then delivered a devastating slam to a reeling Undertaker.

Wyatt went for Sister Abigail but he took his time and the Undertaker’s hand found his opponents throat.  One chokeslam and a tombstone piledriver later, the Undertaker was pinning Bray Wyatt. And that would have been cool but Wyatt found something else in him and he kicked out at two amazing the WWE Universe as well as the Undertaker.

Taker went for yet another tombstone but Wyatt countered and hit a Sister Abigail  but only got a two count for his trouble. As both men lay on the canvas, Wyatt popped up suddenly in his spider walk. But The Undertaker has been at this much longer and he shot up as if rising froom the dead and locked eyes with Bray who then crumpled to the ground. When the two dark gladiators rose from to their feet a huge battle of fists ensued and Bray ended up coming out on top. He again mocked the Phenom and went for a Sister Abigail. But Taker once again, countered and reversed into a Tombstone for the 1, 2, 3. Making it 22-1.

There are times I really don’t mind being wrong. I figured that Bray Wyatt would have this in the bag after what happened to Taker last year. He proved all nay sayers wrong. He looked in amazing shape and while Wyatt did give him a run for his money, The Phenom still came out on top and proved that it is just wiser to let Dead men lay rather than to call them forth and unleash holy living hell on them Def taught me to NEVER bet against the Undertaker (unless of course he was facing Brock Lesnar, then the safe bet is that LOL Lesnar Wins)


Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar

WWE World Heavy Weight Title Match

Winner and NEW Champion!!: Seth Rollins 

 Roman Reigns believe he could and he would defeat Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar on the hand, lives in the world of reality where no man can beat him. The Beast Incarnate wasted no time in proving his dominance as he landed an F-5 30 seconds into the match on Reigns. Did he cover him? Hell no, apparently the beast likes to play with his food. As Reigns got to his feet, the two came to blows and a small cut appeared under Brock’s eye. But everyone knew that the worst thin you could do would be to piss off the Beast. Once the blood appeared, so did the Suplexes and Roman Reigns then received a first class ticket to Suplex City (Bitch).

Roman, to his credit, took everything that Lesnar had to dish out and smiled up at the man beating his ass. Reigns did get a few good shots in as he was getting suplexed and F-5ed into next week, but nothing that would keep the Beast down. There is not much to say except that suplex anfter suplex after suplex found their way to Roman. Yet something else found its way to Roman. John Cena’s super power of Kick Out At Two. The Samoan refused to get pinned no matter the brutal punishment that he was given.

Eventually all fun and games ended for Brock Lesnar as he grew frustrated that the number one contender for his title would not stay down but kept kicking out. In a fit of rage off came the gloves and Reigns was tossed outside where the beast followed. Brock attempted to introduce Roman’s head to the ring post, but a quick counter found Lesnar’s head busted open and the champion none too sure where he was anymore. Only by Heyman’s urging was he able to make it into the ring before the 10 count.

Lesnar’s face had turned into a scarlet mask and Reigns found a new strength as he back like a shark that smelled blood in the water. 3 Superman punches were what was needed to take Lesnar down and a spear later Roman thought he would become the champion but Brock kicked out! Reigns went for yet another superman punch but Brock caught him in mid air and landed a 4th F-5! But the champion was too out of it to capitalize and Reigns was not moving.

Now here is where things get oh so sweet. With the two behemoths down, out comes Seth Rollins. He sprints down to the ring and cashed in his Money in the Bank briefcase making it a Triple threat match. First thing he does is kick Roman from the ring. He then curb stomps Lesnar. But he has faced the Beast before and knows that one curb stomp will not put the Beast down so he goes for a second. Brock catches him in mid air and sets him up for an F-5 only to catch a night ending spear from Reigns. To thank Roman for the assist what does Seth do? Curb stomp to the face, pin, and win! That’s right my lovlies! SETH ROLLINS IS NOW THE WWE WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPION.

Loved this match. I always love seeing Brock Lesnar destroy people. It cracks me  up and leaves a warm fuzzy in my belly. Roman looked great and proved that he did indeed belong in the main event. I knew he did but i never thought he would beat Brock. Get beat by Brock yep sure did and that Samoan got his ass kicked. But like stated above he did get a few licks in.

So all you haters out there, Seth Rollins SUCCESSFULLY cashed in his contract and won the title. Some would say he stole it. And that it’s not legit cuz he didn’t pin the champ. But the nature of the Money in the Bank contract is that it can be cashed in, any time, any where. And the nature of a triple threat match is that the champion does not have to be involved in the final pinfall. I for one am beyond excited and proud. Seth Rollins is now the WWE Champion! And all that was possible because he Bought in! that’s right, less than a year after he broke that business arrangement with Dean and Roman, he is now the WWE World Heavy Weight Champion!




Angelic Heel

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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