Hello, Jana here,


Are you sick of the whole ‘Fifty Shades of Grey‘ thing? The books sold like wildfire to uptight, undersexed women like they were Prozac-filled chocolate bars. I wanted to know what was so exciting about the E.L. James trilogy, so I took a weekend and read them. Boooooooring. That’s the verdict I came up with. Knowing that they started as ‘Twilight‘ fan fiction makes it pretty obvious to see the connections. Domineering male that is either everything or nothing to the girl that always blended in the background, wasn’t the perky volleyball captain, plain in her own way, but he sees something in her. Something he can’t turn away from. He tries because he knows that if she gets too close, it can be dangerous. Blah, blah, blah, blah-blah!

Apparently the women reading these books had only encountered missionary position with their missionary spouse, so of course, this would seem all titillating and naughty. My personal experiences would have made for a more exciting read, but they wouldn’t be able to make that story unless it was sold under plain brown packaging with no pictures. I kind of have to wonder about how successful the film will be. I don’t doubt it will be worthy of the hype, but women can order novels online, will the same women be seen in public going to the movie?

Today is the day that we get to see Jamie Dornan, and Dakota Johnson in the first trailer directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson. The beginning of the clip even sounds like ‘Twilight‘ with the solemn music and voice-over. I’ll probably watch the film when it comes to DVD just to see if it keeps with the books. The fact that it’s going to be released on Valentine’s Day 2015 makes me want to laugh at the absurdity of it all. To any and all impressionable people looking for the idea of true love, do NOT think this is it.

Without further ado, reproach, condemnation, insult, or ridicule, here’s the trailer.



By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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