Fernando M., Here…


I just watched a two hour Abercrombie and Fitch commercial disguised as a romance film.  “Endless Love,” contrary to its title, is actually about fleeting and superficial teenage love.  This movie is built for teens; ready to capitalize on their angst, their desire to piss off daddy, and their raging libidos.

Gabriella Wilde and Alex Pettyfer are both good looking leads, but that’s all they really have to contribute.  Aside from running half naked around suburban Georgia and being from opposite sides of the tracks, neither the characters nor the actors bring much depth to this drawn out story.

The script can be dictated by the audience about five steps ahead of the characters.  There is a painful lack of originality throughout the film.  Bruce Greenwood plays the predictable disapproving father; who  is actually the only rational person in this entire movie (as well as one of the few actors who actually delivered a performance.)  Of course, he is the antagonist here, the stubborn old man who just “doesn’t get love” as much as two naive teenagers can.


I’ll be honest though, I was grinning throughout the entire film.  Mostly because you gotta laugh to keep from crying.  I was floored by the ridiculous notion that, really, these two kids are supposed to be emotional heroes of a generation.  Remember when people made movies for teenagers that actually had meaning, or a soul?  (See “Dazed and Confused“.)  You’ll find none of that here.  My understanding is that the source material is kept in pretty poor esteem; if that’s the case, why would anyone recreate it?

Oh, and what a misuse of Robert Patrick!  Halfway through the film, I was just hoping to see him go T-1000 and spawn metal arms and just stab everyone.

Instead, he plays the misunderstood dad of the misunderstood kid from the tough part of town; the dad who really believes that love between two high school seniors is the most important thing in the world.

Even for a sappy film, this is an inexcusable amount of sap.  A co-viewer was overheard saying “Help me, I’m drowning in awful movie.”  Run, don’t walk, far far far away from this film.  Realistically though, there will be an army of teenagers that will watch this on Valentine’s weekend, this movie will make a killing, and this will hardly be the last we see of “teenploitation romance cinema.”


0.5/5 stars

– Fernando Martinez

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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