The Bishop Charlotte Reporting….

Steve Guttenberg has been missing from the screen for about twenty years. People actually believed he was dead. He had a good run in the 80’s, and then just kind of vanished. It’s not that he was gone, per se, he just was starring in movies that no one cared to see. And should not see. Ever.

In his 20’s, Guttenberg had a four-year run in which he was virtually unstoppable. He was in movies like Short Circuit and Cocoon, being the poster boy for “let’s all love each other.” He was hot and adorable at the same time, like your best friend’s one-year-younger brother, and audiences just ate him up. Not literally, of course, because then he wouldn’t be returning.

And returning he is…to Broadway. He starred there once in 1991, in Prelude to a Kiss, but hasn’t been back since. Now, he’s starring in a trio of one-acts.

Some might ask, “How will this bring him back? No one knows people on Broadway except…well, the obvious.”

That might be so, if the one-acts in question weren’t written by Woody Allen, Ethan Coen, and Elaine May PLUS directed by John Turturro. Eyes will be on them, make no mistake. The trio is named Relatively Speaking, and Guttenberg will play a man who falls in love with his son’s bride. The bride might actually like him back. Drama with a heaping spoonful of Allen’s signature meditations on family and intergenerational romance. Also, everyone’s Jewish.

Guttenberg has tried to come back several times. He was even on Dancing with the Stars, but it just didn’t ring with the audience. However, when he landed an audition for Relatively, obviously something took.

Actually, he was driving when he was told that he’d landed the role. Since he started weaving, a policeman pulled him over. Instead of giving him a ticket, the cop let him go with a “congratulations.” I guess that’s what happens when you starred in a cop show.

Guttenberg hopes that starring in Relatively will land him back in Hollywood.

“I’ve played at the small ballpark. But now I want to be in Yankee f***ing Stadium.”


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Movie Quotes

Now I have to pay Don Lino protection, so everything you owe me, you owe him.
How do you figure that?
Simple, the food chain.
[Pulls out chart]
On top there's Don Lino, there's me, there's regular fish...
And that's me.
No. There's plankton, there's single-celled amoebas...
And then me.
I'm getting there, I'm getting there... There's coral, there's rocks, there's whale poop, and then there's you.
That's messed up.
Shark Tale (2004) The Movie Quotes