‘The Goodbye Look’

Airdate 06/21/2011

When last we left the 4Gs, they were in a mysterious greenhouse text-snooping Melissa’s phone to get information on Rosewood’s most famous missing dead person, Ian. Cue the creepy slamming doors and then rocks or coconuts (neither make sense, but what else could it be?) falling from the sky on the glass panes.  Using their keen survival instincts, they leave and wind up walking in Allison’s old drive-way/yard only to see Jason (A’s brother). Parker Bagley was sneakily replaced with Drew Van Acker, former underwear model. This handsome, new Jason is dimpled and rough and blond. Now I finally have a legit reason to watch this show.

WTF? I can’t believe we can’t talk to each other.

These are the facts:

  • The 4Gs spend the entire episode together complaining they can’t see each other.
  • Ian may not be missing.
  • Mona genuinely feels terrible.
  • Emily is a swimmer. (Almost forgot about that)
  • Melissa is a pregnant bitch.

  • Spencer plays neighborhood welcome party and takes some baked goods to Jason. As he opens the door, it looks like he is going to attack her. Instead, he is crazily shooing away a cute little terrier digging in the flowerbeds. He is cryptic she is suspicious, so nothing is accomplished at this moment. Looking at the dirt, she has a memory flashback of the girls, including Allison, sitting in the yard and being told that the reason their secrets are so safe is because they are buried and hidden all over the place. That is just wonky.

    Emily’s Danby U scout (see below for more details) may be her way to stay in Rosewood. But, he won’t write a “letter of intent to intend to scout and sign”, so looks like forgery is being added to the list of felonies.

    Aria calls Spencer for advice on timing and giving us one of the best quotes of the night, “You are the master of time” the second best was “zombies don’t text”. But I digress… Later that night, Aria goes by her house and notices the window on the door is broken and open. A normal response is to call 911 – but no, let’s just yell into the dark and wait to be raped and murdered is clearly the Rosewood way. At that moment, a mysterious hooded figure tears down the stairs, drops their shoulder and tackles Aria in the door. The force of knocking down this 80-pound wall was so great, she lost a shoe. The cops are now called but nothing happens and I hate that. Although, the rash of recent break-ins for camping equipment causes alarm and the girls thinking that maybe that B ‘A’ is not responsible. But if not her, then who would want all the videos gone? Ding. Ding. Ding. Ian. Everyone’s favorite living dead guy. These suspicions are heightened when Spencer gets home in the rain and asks Melissa how she feels and if she went out. Melissa, in all her cheeriness replies, “not in this weather, never left the house.” Spencer hangs up her umbrella and jacket only to see Melissa’s boots and raincoat, soaked and muddy. In the pocket is the sonogram photo she had done at the doctor earlier. Now, who would want to see that?

    The banned friends defy orders, again, and meet up in the greenhouse to discuss the event. Leaving, again they walk by Jason who is working in the yard late at night. In the flower bed there is a huge hole and a green tarp, just; you know, sitting there all out and creepy. He tells them he is building a fence to keep out the masses, but the 4Gs would rather know whom he is keeping in.

    Seriously? Can you believe we can’t talk to each other?

    The final scene is the same little terrier digging at the hole and tarp. Now it is rolled to look like there is something inside. An eerie whistle has the dog’s attention, and he trots over to the mysterious animal lover in black gloves.

    Couples Recap:

    Aria & Ezra

    In class, a bombshell is dropped that Ezra is leaving at the end of the week. Mona wants Aria to get him a gift. Ezra asks Aria to wait for him at his apartment so they can talk and decide what their future holds. So she obliges, and waits, and waits and snoops around, and waits some more. Unable to stand the emptiness the solo apartment signifies to her current situation she leaves an ironically annoyed handwritten goodbye letter in the typewriter roller saying, “I am sorry we could not make this work.” Come Friday, he gives a somewhat “Maudlin-esque” (his words, not mine) going away speech that sounds awkwardly like a last minute plea to the love of his life. Thank goodness it is raining in Rosewood, because that sadness was washed away when a ray of sun shone down on Aria’s face and she woke up and ran…and ran again to find Ezra in the parking lot. In this girl’s opinion, they shared the best on-screen kiss in an open, public parking lot.

    Spencer & Toby

    Spencer sees Toby while at school and thinks he is coming back. He says no that he only wants to get his GED and work in construction (does this boy not read the paper?) and escape his family. She shows up at his first day on the job to find out he was fired because of his Boo Radley-like ways. He huffs, he puffs, he says go home. Later they spend some time in the woods and she tells him about the Ian texts. He is so upset and broody that she never told him. Like he could do anything?

    Emily & Samara

    I guess having a pinched face makes you really aerodynamic. She kicks water’s ass. Samara compliments her mermaid-like abilities, Emily’s downer reply, “I still did not beat my personal time” Oh Em Gee. Just take the damn credit. A scout from Danby U approaches them and gives great feedback and a card. Emily agrees to meet with him the next day.  The girls go on a date at the movies. You know, the same place where Emily and Maya made out. After a brief memory stare and Samara solves the issue with a hearty, “Everyone has a Maya.”

    Hannah & Mona

    They made up.

    Hannah & her Dad

    Tom came to town to be absentee dad of the year. He claims he is worried, that he wants to help and be there for her. I agree with her not wanting him around for aftermath of her life since he left. Later she is doing the dishes and he interrupts when he hears the voicemail from Mona. Seemingly interested in what is wrong, Hannah tells him the truth of how his leaving made her feel. “It’s amazing how much damage can be done with good intentions.”

    See You Next Tuesday with more from Rosewood’s finest secret keepers.

    -Sparky Shagwell

    By Bryan Kluger

    Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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