Hello, boils and ghouls. (Yes, I’ve waited all year to say that without shame.) It’s your ghost host with the most, Bryan Kluger of My Bloody Podcast, and I’m here to usher in that sacred season when Target aisles overflow with fake cobwebs, your dentist silently weeps, and we pretend horror movies are a seasonal thing and not, say, a lifestyle choice.
Now, Halloween this year looked a little underdecorated. The lighting was all wrong, the spirits listless. A flick of the wrist, a creak of the coffin lid, and behold: Funko Pops! Those delightful little vinyl homunculi that have somehow colonized every shelf, office, and soul since 2010. Only this time, they’ve gone full horror. Billy The Puppet, Wednesday Addams, Beetlejuice, even that clown who really shouldn’t have Wi-Fi access, all shrunk to the size of your regret and twice as adorable.
CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FUNKO
And because capitalism never sleeps (not even in the grave), Funko has given us the thing we never knew we needed but now absolutely can’t live, or die, without: a Halloween Advent Calendar. Thirteen tiny doors, thirteen tiny frights, and a dopamine hit every day leading up to All Hallows’ Eve. It’s like if The Twelve Days of Christmas were curated by Vincent Price. Each box reveals another miniature nightmare, another reminder that horror can be cute, collectible, and somehow comforting. They’re terrifying, yes, but in the way a haunted house at Disneyland is terrifying: safe, colorful, and photogenic.
So, if your spooky season décor needs a little vinyl resurrection, shuffle (don’t run) to your nearest retailer or visit Funko’s crypt, er, website, and claim your Pops before they vanish back into the shadows of eBay resellers. Because in the end, isn’t that what Halloween’s really about? Dressing up fear, giving it a grin, and making it fit neatly on a shelf.
