There have been so many great horror films that have been released over the past few years. From Hereditary to When Evil Lurks – horror is back in a big way that has somehow pushed the superhero genre to the backburner. It’s a great time to be a horror fan unless someone steps into a horror movie made by Oz Perkins (the son of Anthony Perkins). Oz’s latest film Longlegs has been getting hyperbolic rave reviews from people stating that it’s the best horror film in years or that it’s the scariest movie they’ve seen. None of this is true unless that individual has never seen a cohesive movie or horror film in their life. Longlegs continues Perkins’ reign of failure as a filmmaker to the point when someone should say, enough is enough.
Oz’s previous films are no better either. With his previous slow-paced unscary wannabe horror movie The Blackcoat’s Daughter and his truly annoying take on the fairy tale Gretel and Hansel, Perkins never seems to find the entertaining value of a scare or creating a moody atmosphere. Instead, he sources out his ideas from better films and tries so hard to implement them into his movies that make no sense. He’s the worst kind of hipster director who believes he’s making something great, but turns out to be a mish-mash of terrible dialogue and painfully long stares from characters that should evoke dread or suspense, but instead go nowhere.
Longlegs can’t figure out what type of movie it wants to be. Does it want to follow in the footsteps of films like Se7en, zodiac, or even the perfect Silence of the Lambs? Or does it want to cross into supernatural satanic territory where characters have stupid visions that wouldn’t conjure up a scare in a five-year-old? it’s just upsetting that the likes of Blair Underwood and Maika Monroe had to lend their excellent talents to rubbish like Longlegs. Some films can walk that balanced line between real life and the supernatural, however, Perkins does such a terrible job at setting up his characters and allowing the world he’s created to breathe, that both sides of the spectrum are in a state of chaos where situations never make sense from what’s happening in the previous scene.
Longlegs follows Lee Harker (Monroe), an FBI agent in the ’90s who solves serial killer cases. Her new partner Carter (Underwood) and she are on a hunt for a person or persons who might have killed several different families over a series of several years. Early on, it’s subtly shown that Harker has psychic abilities but it never goes as far as to show her seeing quick flashes of a snake slitering. in red light. But if she has these psychic abilities, how could she not put together that the weirdest-looking man in their small town named Longlegs (Nic Cage) is at the center of all of these crimes? In its too-long runtime of 100 minutes, the two detectives find lifesize dolls that are spreading the word and essence of Satan in turn forcing the families to kill themselves. The reasons behind this are even more asinine as it’s explained in an on-the-nose manner that leaves nothing open to interpretation, but rather leaves anyone scratching their head in disbelief at something so trite.
But then there is Nicolas Cage who is the fan-favorite here and who everyone knows can play it cool or go all out on a bender of rage-fueled screams. He does both here as he is the cross-dressing version of the character Powder. Cage’s ability to go from 0-100 mph is astonishing and he gives it his all, but none of it comes across as scary, but rather funny, which is not the intended emotion Perkins wants. Even his “Hail Satan” lines of dialogue are out of place, although they are funny and could serve as a prequel to his much better film Renfield. Monroe plays it so straight that her boorish character can’t get off the screen to allow something good to happen quickly enough. Blair Underwood is excellent too, however, he’s not given the amount of time to shine. Then there is Kiernan Shipka in a cameo role whose dialogue evokes the dialect of Star Wars’s own Jar Jar Binks. That’s not a joke. What type of film was Perkins trying to make here? Whatever it was – it’s not good or scary.
Do NOT believe the hype surrounding Longlegs. This is horror moviemaking at its worst. Oz Perkins steals from other films, even one from last year with a death scene from Talk To Me that is so poorly done here, that it’s hard to believe that anyone allowed him to blatantly rip it off. There is also nothing scary about this movie nor are there any real functions of a narrative other than Perkins wandering the pages trying to find a path to go down, but never sticks a landing. At least Nic Cage is having fun, but when does he not? Please – stop giving Oz Perkins opportunities to make movies.
Written By: Bryan Kluger