Feb/2020

THE CALL OF THE WILD – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Feb 21st, 2020

“Disney’s The Call of the Wild is a PG sanitized version of something better.”

The Call of the Wild should be a movie that we are talking about during awards season. The book is a classic and lends itself to some incredible action and powerful moments. With Harrison Ford anchoring the cast we should be talking about a PG-13 adaptation that is part The Revenant, part The Edge, a dash of Homeward Bound, and a touch of Dances with Wolves. I’m serious. The source material is there. That is why I am pretty disappointed to report that this is a PG sanitized version of The Call of the Wild that goes through the motions of any typical Disney movie featuring animals. There isn’t enough here to intrigue adults and there isn’t enough here to hold young children’s attention. What we are left with is a weird purgatory of a movie where no one can walk out entirely pleased.

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The Fast Saga Trailer Breakdown and Reaction!

by Gumbercules9000 on Feb 6th, 2020

 

The Fast & Furious movies, or as the studio now wants us to call it: The Fast Saga, has been a rocket ship to the moon of ridiculous for the past decade. Every sequel gets bigger and crazier. We’ve had skyscraper jumping, parachute cars, using a car as a murder weapon, pushing a torpedo on ice with your hand while fighting a submarine, the list goes on forever. Well, what a glorious day it was for me this weekend when a new almost four-minute trailer for the latest Fast Saga Film F9 made its way into these eyeballs. This trailer is more absurd, fun and insane than almost any of the other movies. This crew started stealing blu ray players from trucks and is now “Tarzan-Swinging” a car over a cliff… I can’t get enough of how wild this trailer is. So watch the trailer then check out my scientific breakdown with time stamps.

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GRETEL AND HANSEL – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Feb 3rd, 2020

Gretel and Hansel is a horror movie that I didn’t expect to be pleasantly surprised by. Typically if a movie is released in January you can expect that it will have a ton of issues and the studio wanted to dump it. When I first saw the trailer for Gretel and Hansel and realized that it wasn’t coming out in September or October to take advantage of those horror months I crossed it off my list. Well, I have to say that this may be the very rare exception to my January expectation rule. Gretel and Hansel is a much creepier and well-made horror movie than I ever expected it to be.

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Dolittle – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jan 15th, 2020

“Dolittle is a fine two-hour escape for January.”

Fresh off of sacrificing himself to save the universe in Avengers: Endgame, Robert Downey Jr. graces our cinemas with his latest movie ‘Dolittle‘ this weekend. Clearly feeling the goodwill from Iron Man, RDJ decides to employ the strangest accent for his new hero. Dolittle is a perfectly passable family movie in the dumping ground of January movies. It is PG, it is short, and it has a few amusing moments to keep the family entertained on a cold weekend.

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Underwater – Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jan 10th, 2020

January is a notorious dumping ground for studios to release their movies they don’t have a ton of confidence in. When I first saw the release date for Underwater I assumed it would be a really poor horror movie they needed to get off the books. Then the ad blitz hit and the marketing really ramped up so I assumed that maybe they had something slightly above average on their hands. Folks, they don’t. Underwater is a predictable, tame, and boring aquatic monster movie that goes through the motions until it mercifully ends.

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CHARLIE’S ANGELS (2019) – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Nov 12th, 2019

“Charlie’s Angels is the ultimate plane movie I’ve ever seen.”

Charlie’s Angels is a completely serviceable popcorn flick. It fulfills its purpose to entertain for 2 hours and be entirely forgettable before the credits stop rolling. With fun performances and a story that doesn’t ask you to take it seriously, it moves from costume change to set-piece at an alarming rate before culminating in an ‘Ok’ finale.

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FORD V FERRARI – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Nov 11th, 2019

 

“Ford v Ferrari is easily the best racing movie I have seen since RUSH.”

James Mangold has emerged from his superhero hiatus, directing Wolverine and Logan, to return to the real world and give us one of the best “Based on a True Story” movies that have come out in years with Ford v Ferrari. The obvious issues and cliches most would find with this kind of true story are completely forgotten thanks to a really good script, incredible looking action, and two of the best performances of the year from Christian Bale and Matt Damon. In many hands, this movie would fall apart 20 minutes in but Mangold is so damn good that he actually elevates the subject matter and genre here.

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TERMINATOR: DARK FATE – Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on Nov 4th, 2019

Terminator: Dark Fate picks up 2 decades after the events of T2: Judgment Day and proceeds as though the multiple sequels never occurred. I also like to pretend none of the sequels ever happened so this was a low bar for entry into this movie. The opening credits recap what was supposed to happen in 1997 using clips from T2 which was a very efficient way to get everyone in the audience on the same page. It reinforces the starting point of this movie, in T2 Sarah Connor won and the apocalypse caused by SkyNet never happened. Of course, humans are way too stupid in this World and the Terminator World… so despite SkyNet never existing in this timeline, something called Legion was created which is just an updated SkyNet and humans are still hunted by machines in the future. Luckily we shook off that 1997 technology and the machines have some really unique nanotechnology abilities this time around!

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ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Oct 17th, 2019

In the world of unnecessary sequels run amok, Zombieland: Double Tap proves that sometimes sequels are absolutely worth the wait. Set 10 years after the original movie, Zombieland: Double Tap quickly picks up where we left off with this makeshift family as they work together to survive a zombie apocalypse. Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), Little Rock (Abigail Breslin) & Wichita (Emma Stone) all reprise their roles from the 2009 original with the same enthusiasm as they had the first time around. When the first movie came out most of the stars were not well known but after 10 years they’ve gone on to star in Oscar-nominated movies and even win Oscars themselves. Those 10 years in real life and in the Zombieland universe was the perfect amount of time for the writers and director to put together a sequel worthy of the original and maybe even superior to it in some way. This is easily one of the best comedies of 2019.

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The Lion King (2019) – Film Review

by Gumbercules9000 on Jul 19th, 2019

“The Lion King is a soulless remake of the original.”

The Lion King is a soulless remake of the original that is beautiful to look at but (mostly) lacks any charm of the animated classic. In order to even properly discuss this movie one has to acknowledge that all of these Disney remakes are completely unnecessary cash grabs by Disney. I don’t care about that aspect to be honest. They are a business, and businesses need to make money. However, you can’t have a conversation about the substance of the movie if all you do is say how these “live action” remakes are pointless the whole time so I wanted to get that out of the way up front.

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Spider-Man: Far From Home – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jul 2nd, 2019

Spider-Man: Far From Home shows that if this is the direction they plan to go after Avengers: Endgame, then be prepared for another 10 years of Marvel dominance. The ease with which this film picks up after the events of Endgame while propelling a single character forward was actually unexpected to me. Maybe I was dumb for doubting Marvel, but I didn’t think that Far From Home would be better than 2017’s Spider-Man: Homecoming, but it was.

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Midsommar: Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jul 2nd, 2019

I saw Midsommar and have been racking my brain on how to even begin the review. I’m still not sure how to properly discuss the movie without spoiling the major plot points and trying to break them down. There are other reviewers on here who have a far better understanding of the horror genre and can break it down in that regard for you. I decided that I won’t spoil anything and will just give what resonated with me the most walking out. Midsommar is the most disturbing and uncomfortable break up movie I’ve ever seen.

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Men in Black: International – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jun 14th, 2019

“MIB: International is completely forgettable fluff that probably should’ve never been made.”

Men In Black: International squanders the incredible chemistry of Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson with a story that feels stuck in the late 90s. Even with the technology of today, every single special effect and set piece feels ripped from a 1999 movie. It is so stale.

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on May 29th, 2019

“Godzilla: King of the Monsters receives a passing grade, because the monster fights really are that great!”

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a frustrating mix of incredible special effects and monster fights with far too much Lifetime Network style human drama. As a fan of the first (new) Godzilla (2014) I was extremely excited for this one. I understood that in the first one the reason for limited Godzilla scenes was to create suspense and save money and I assumed that after the reveal of the first one this one would stray away from the issues of the first. Instead it doubles down on them by adding more useless human subplots, far too many human characters, and a story that (even for a giant monster movie) is just going through the motions.

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Brightburn – Film Review

by Gumbercules9000 on May 24th, 2019

 

“Brightburn is a more serious version of one of the parody movies from the mid-2000s like the Scary Movie franchise.”

Brightburn is a new horror film that sets its sights on subverting the expectations of superhero movies by asking the question: What if one of these heroes wanted to be bad? Unfortunately, this clever idea for a movie sputters with its point on several occasions and leans more heavily on delivering gore via a 12 year old Superman.

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Movie Quotes

[Captain Typho is trying to talk Padme out of leaving Coruscant without protection]
Captain Typho:
My Lady, let me come with you.
Padmé:
There is no danger. The fighting is over, and... this is personal.
[Typho bows]
Captain Typho:
As you wish, My Lady... but I strongly disagree.
Padmé:
I'll be all right, Captain. This is something I must do myself. Besides, Threepio will look after me.
C-3PO:
Oh, dear.
[Typho leaves; Padme and C-3PO board the Naboo skiff; Obi-Wan sneaks on board]
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) The Movie Quotes