Sep/2019

Midsommar: Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jul 2nd, 2019

I saw Midsommar and have been racking my brain on how to even begin the review. I’m still not sure how to properly discuss the movie without spoiling the major plot points and trying to break them down. There are other reviewers on here who have a far better understanding of the horror genre and can break it down in that regard for you. I decided that I won’t spoil anything and will just give what resonated with me the most walking out. Midsommar is the most disturbing and uncomfortable break up movie I’ve ever seen.

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Men in Black: International – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Jun 14th, 2019

“MIB: International is completely forgettable fluff that probably should’ve never been made.”

Men In Black: International squanders the incredible chemistry of Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson with a story that feels stuck in the late 90s. Even with the technology of today, every single special effect and set piece feels ripped from a 1999 movie. It is so stale.

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on May 29th, 2019

“Godzilla: King of the Monsters receives a passing grade, because the monster fights really are that great!”

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is a frustrating mix of incredible special effects and monster fights with far too much Lifetime Network style human drama. As a fan of the first (new) Godzilla (2014) I was extremely excited for this one. I understood that in the first one the reason for limited Godzilla scenes was to create suspense and save money and I assumed that after the reveal of the first one this one would stray away from the issues of the first. Instead it doubles down on them by adding more useless human subplots, far too many human characters, and a story that (even for a giant monster movie) is just going through the motions.

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Brightburn – Film Review

by Gumbercules9000 on May 24th, 2019

 

“Brightburn is a more serious version of one of the parody movies from the mid-2000s like the Scary Movie franchise.”

Brightburn is a new horror film that sets its sights on subverting the expectations of superhero movies by asking the question: What if one of these heroes wanted to be bad? Unfortunately, this clever idea for a movie sputters with its point on several occasions and leans more heavily on delivering gore via a 12 year old Superman.

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John Wick 3: Parabellum – Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on May 15th, 2019

 

“John Wick 3: Parabellum was one of the most entertaining movies, start to finish, in recent memory.”

John Wick Chapter 3 is up there with some of the best action movies of the past decade and I honestly can’t imagine it won’t be the greatest action movie of 2019. This trilogy has somehow moved beyond a joke about Keanu Reeves shooting people because his dog died after the trailer premiered for the first film to a technical masterpiece with lore and history of a well realized World bursting in every scene. John Wick Chapter 3 somehow ups the ante again delivering the best collection of action set pieces in the series so far while doing a decent job of linking these fights together with a world expanding story. This movie is like having adrenaline injected directly into your bloodstream for two straight hours.

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Pokémon Detective Pikachu – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on May 9th, 2019

“Pokémon Detective Pikachu has no business being this enjoyable. It is funny, quick, and delivers a B level story that fits in the strange world it has created.”

Pokémon Detective Pikachu is better than it has any right to be. I’ll admit when this movie was first announced my cynical brain immediately wrote it off as a failed experiment that will bomb at the box office. I assume it would try too hard and take itself way too seriously. Then the first trailer came out and it was announced Ryan Reynolds would be voicing Pikachu and I was intrigued. Reynolds is essentially doing a PG version of Deadpool with Pikachu and I won’t lie, I kind of loved it. Instead of being a serious, self-righteous money grab by a studio desperate for a franchise, it turned out to be a light, fun, and truly enjoyable money grab that is no doubt the start of a franchise.

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Avengers: Endgame – Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on Apr 23rd, 2019

 

“Avengers: Endgame is a nearly flawless closing chapter to this universe that started with Iron Man.”

Avengers: Endgame is a nearly flawless closing chapter to this universe that started with Iron Man in 2008. Every movie leading up to Endgame is represented here is a way that honors (while flexing) everything that Disney/Marvel has achieved in the last 11 years. For a movie this dense and long to be executed at such a high level is a testament to the common knowledge that Marvel has created with its characters over the last 11 years. For a movie to have nearly 50 characters appear yet still feel grounded and focused on the original six Avengers we met between 2008-2012 was astonishing.

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Avengers: Endgame Predictions!

by Gumbercules9000 on Apr 17th, 2019

We are one week away from the big L.A. premiere of Avengers: Endgame. The embargo on critics reviews will lift shortly after that and the internet will be the wild west of spoilers for two days until the movie is released. I have succesfully avoided spoilers like the plague for Avengers: Endgame. I got off of Twitter last year and deleted Facebook in January (not because of Endgame), so it is very easy to avoid spoilers. I dabble in Reddit for news sometimes but don’t subscribe to any “spoiler” groups, and I still plan to stay offline starting that day in case anything makes the home page. Now even though I am leak and spoiler adverse, I have watched every single trailer and TV spot and spend way too much of my adult time speculating what will happen. I was also in the Wal-Mart toy aisle yesterday and saw the Avengers: Endgame figures so that tipped me off too. So here is what I think will happen based on that…

 

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The Curse of La Llorona – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Apr 17th, 2019

“In the end, The Curse of La Llorona feels forgettable.”

 

The Curse of La Llorona is the latest installment in ‘The Conjuring-Verse‘ which (unfortunately) now means a mediocre jump scare movie that is executive produced by James Wan and shoehorns in references to the Warren family and Annabelle. That isn’t to say the movie is a complete failure by any means. It will certainly delight those who crave jump scares and loud noises to shake them from their seats. Seriously, there are so many jump scares that after about 40 minutes, they stopped affecting me as I became accustomed to them. In the end, the movie is much closer to last fall’s ‘The Nun‘ than any of ‘The Conjuring‘ films, which means it feels forgettable.

 

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The Silence – Film Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Apr 12th, 2019

“The Silence is Incredibly dumb. Very bold. Absolutely absurd and hilarious.”

The Silence is a movie that premiered on Netflix recently starring Stanley Tucci and Kiernan Shipka. It is a blatant ripoff of ‘A Quiet Place‘ in almost every imaginable way. But that isn’t why I am writing this, I am reviewing this movie because I want to discuss the absolutely insane third act that had me laughing at its absurdity.

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‘Game of Thrones’ Is The Last TV Show of Its Kind!

by Gumbercules9000 on Apr 9th, 2019

Television has always been a cultural touchstone for me growing up. I remember the rush home to catch the season finales of Lost and 24 so I wouldn’t miss out on the conversation the next day. When my wife was in college I bought her a DVD recorder that we would set on a timer to record shows on to a blank DVD. When TIVO and recording came around it was a Godsend. This is how television has always been to me. The collective pop culture experience that would take the next day at work discussing everything we all watched together. I understand this way of consuming media has been dying for years but it struck me a few days ago that April and May are the true end of an era, specifically with Game of Thrones.

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‘Suspiria’ – Blu-ray Review!

by Gumbercules9000 on Mar 19th, 2019

THE FILM

(Film Review Portion Written by Dan Moran)

The general plot of Suspiria is that Suzy, an American ballerina, enrolls in a Berlin dance academy which is actually a front for a coven of witches. Dakota Johnson plays Suzy and is a revelation in the part since my big dumb brain still associates her with her lifeless performance in 50 Shades of Grey. Tilda Swinton (as usual) puts in some great work as Madame Blanc as just caring enough yet always with an ominous undercurrent to all of her lines. Swinton also dons a ton of makeup to play a Doctor who becomes interested in the coven after one of the academy’s dance members tells him of the evil there before she disappears.

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Captain Marvel – Film Review #2!

by Gumbercules9000 on Mar 5th, 2019

“Captain Marvel is perfectly acceptable and definitely worth seeing.”

Captain Marvel is a victim of Marvel’s release schedule. It is a perfectly fine and entertaining entry into the MCU but releasing it six weeks before Avengers: Endgame just can’t help but permeate my review of it. I am here for the end of the Avengers as we know them and while Captain Marvel is good enough, I found myself looking for easter eggs and Avengers tie ins instead of focusing on this story on its own. I assume I won’t be alone in how that taints my review.

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“The third installment caps off an incredible franchise with the most emotionally resonant chapter that gives all involved a fitting end.”

The How To Train Your Dragon trilogy has always rivaled Pixar movies for me. The animation is great, the voice acting is top-notch, the story and themes are full realized, and the emotional beats are earned. The third installment caps off an incredible franchise with the most emotionally resonant chapter that gives all involved a fitting end.

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Oscars 2019 Predictions!

by Gumbercules9000 on Feb 6th, 2019

Best Picture

The nominees: “Black Panther” “BlacKkKlansman” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “The Favourite” “Green Book” “Roma” “A Star Is Born” “Vice”

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Movie Quotes

Morgan O'Mally:
Double Burger.
[singing]
Morgan O'Mally:
Chuck, I had a double burger!
Chuckie Sullivan:
Will you shut the fuck up? I know what you ordered, I was there.
Morgan O'Mally:
So give me my fucking sandwich.
Chuckie Sullivan:
What do you mean your sandwich? I bought it. Hey Morgan, how much money you got on you?
Morgan O'Mally:
I said I'd give you the change when we ordered the Sno-Cones when we pulled up, so why don't you give me my sandwich and stop being a prick.
Chuckie Sullivan:
Well why don't you give me your fucking sixteen cents you got on you and we'll put your sandwich on layaway. There you go, keep it right up here for you, We'll put you on a program. Everyday you bring your six cents and at the end of the week you'll get your sandwich.
Morgan O'Mally:
Why do you have to be such an asshole?
Chuckie Sullivan:
What am I, fuckin' sandwich welfare? I think you should establish a good line of credit. Like how you bought your couch, payment plans. Remember how your mother brought in $10 everyday for a year and she finally got her couch Rent-A-Center Style?
Morgan O'Mally:
Can I have my food now please?
Chuckie Sullivan:
[throws the burger at Morgan] Here's your fucking double burger!
Good Will Hunting (1997) The Movie Quotes