Jonathan A., here…



Starring Lousia Krause and Jason Patric, “The Abandoned” is the story of a troubled woman that takes a job working the graveyard shift as a security guard for an abandoned apartment complex.  Quickly, she discovers the secrets the building holds and comes face-to-face with her own demons. 

Eytan Rockaway directs, and fails to capture any essence of true horror, in this failed fright flick.  Being completely devoid of any likable characters and finished off by lackluster acting, there is not much to like about this film.  It tries to throw in a big twist, but it’s seen a mile away and doesn’t leave the viewer with any real sense of surprise, therefore rendering the “twist” completely useless.

The only scares provided are the dime-a-dozen jump scares, consisting of nothing more than a slowly walking character seeing something that frightens them and then the volume of the score is quadrupled for a moment.  Cheap.  Nothing about this film is memorable, except for the fact that the story is clearly inspired by the “Cropsey” documentary film (which is actually far scarier.)



Though this film is presented in 1080p high def, you’d believe it if you realized you were actually watching a DVD.  The blacks are smoky and  weak, the colors are muted and the picture lacks general clarity, failing to yield the kind of picture quality one would expect from a Blu Ray.  The score was mundane and irrelevant, but the overall sound quality was decent.  The dialogue was clear and the sound effects were all well-delivered. 



Deleted ScenesWow.   I’m baffled as to why this was even included in this release.  These were just a handful of completely irrelevant and boring scenes, that add no value whatsoever to the Blu Ray.

Alternate EndingAlthough yielding a very slight change, I feel as though this alternate ending actually would have been an improvement over the ending the film was given.  Nothing game-changing here, but it was interesting to see.



I’d say this one is a total thumbs-down.  It fails to frighten or deliver a memorable feel of any kind and it only results in an unsatisfactory ending that will leave you going “hmph.”  What’s a horror movie that offers no scares, great gore or so-bad-it’s-funny laughs?  A waste of time, that’s what.  Avoid this movie and watch “Cropsey” instead.


-Jonathan Atterbury

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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