Angelic Heel Once Again!


With Fastlane (which can be seen on the WWE Network) looming on the horizon, Anaheim, CA was the scene of the last RAW before the WWE Universe finds out who will go on to face Triple H for the World Heavyweight Championship. It was a night filled with wrecks and crashes, high flying action, an Intercontinental Title defense, and Titans coming together to take on a threat. Did you miss the action? No worries, I’ve got you covered with a recap of all the action.



Dean Calls Gets His Wish, But Not in the Way He Wanted


The night began with a trip to the Lunatic Asylum as Dean Ambrose made his way to the ring. He made mention of Fastlane’s Triple Threat main event, but dismissed it as that was on Sunday, and he was concerned about Monday night. The Lunatic Fringe knew that Brock Lesnar would want retribution for the low blow Dean had given him last week and he welcomed the F-5 he knew he was due. He wasn’t willing to wait any longer and he called out Brock Lesnar!

It was not The Beast that answered, but the Queen. Stephanie McMahon made her way to the ring. She belittled  Ambrose for the cheap way he took down Lesnar and pointed out that it was because of Roman Reigns that Dean had even been in the position to take down Brock. But she assured Dean that he would get the chance to prove himself come Sunday night.

The Intercontinental Champion interrupted Stephanie and asked her if they were going to get to the fighting part yet. Steph said that they were and that if Dean wanted an F-5 then he would get an F-5! Just… not in the way he thought. He would be defending his championship in a Fatal 5 Way match. But there was a stipulation. If Roman Reigns interfered in any way, Ambrose would be disqualified and lose his spot in the main event at Fastlane.


 Fatal 5 Way

Intercontinental Championship Match

Dean Ambrose vs Kevin Owens vs Stardust vs Tyler Breeze vs Dolph Ziggler

Winner: Kevin Owens

Rules of this match are simple, first man to gain a pin fall or submission is declared the winner. The champion does NOT need to be pinned. As the bell rang, Ambrose was quickly targeted by Stardust and Tyler Breeze. Kevin Owens and Dolph Ziggler concentrated on one another during the opening moments. What ever semblance of normalcy was quickly tossed out the window as the Ambrose Asylum was open for business. Dean took control and fought off Breeze and Stardust and was faced with Owens. The former IC champion and the Lunatic Fringe had a brutal back and forth showing and the current champion showed his resilience as he refused to stay down and eventually was able to get the upper hand on Owens.

The Show Off took advantage and made his attack on Dean and however his momentum was cut short as Owens and company joined back in to the fray. It was a non stop, action packed battle that saw Kevin Owens power bomb Tyler breeze over the top rope onto Stardust and Ziggler only to have Ambrose suicide dive through the ropes onto all three of those men. Near falls and quick saves seemed to be the name of the game as Ambrose held his own against his four challengers.

The end came when Dean Ambrose grabbed Stardust for the Dirty Deeds, only to have Dolph Ziggler land a Zig Zag on Ambrose at the same time, effectively destroying all three men in the process. Kevin Owens took advantage of the opportunity and gave Prince Pretty a pop up power bomb to gain the win and the Intercontinental Championship.


Mark Henry vs Big E

Winner: Big E


How lucky the WWE universe is to have such a positive influence such as the New Day in it. And Anaheim was even more blessed as the magical unicorns made their way to the ring. The WWE Tag Team champions informed everyone that they would be guests of the Cutting Edge Peep Show, but that both Edge and Christian totally reeked of Booty because they brought a Kazoo to a trombone fight.  The then moved on to Big E’s opponent, Mark Henry. They said that Mark Henry could have been the worlds strongest unicorn, but after his actions last week, he was instead the worlds strongest Booty Hole.

The brought out the World’s Strongest Man and his match with Big E began. Mark easily dominated the match until the New Day got involved. Big E took advantage of distractions by both Xavier Woods and Kofi as he was able to deliver two big splashes and deliver a 1 unicorn stampede to a prone and out of it Mark Henry. Big E continued to wear down the former World Champion and ultimately was able to pick up the win over Mark Henry.


 Charlotte Only Wants What is Best for Brie Bella

Brie Bella was introduced so she could speak about her husband’s retirement last week. Thankfully, she didn’t get to elaborate too much before teh Diva’s champion rescued the WWE Universe from more blah blahs. However, the two bicker back and forth because Charlotte thinks that Brie should be back home helping her sister, Nikki, rehab from her injury and possibly opening up a Bed and Breakfast with her husband. Brie assures the genetically superior diva that she has her husband’s support and that she thinks Charlotte is just afraid to face her at Fastlane.

Charlotte assures Brie she is more than ready and that Brie should be more concerned with how her Goat faced vegan babies are going to turn out than her match on Sunday. This sends Brie over the edge as she attacks Charlotte but Ric Flair pulls his daughter from harms way before any lasting damage can be done to the champ.


 A.J. Styles vs The Miz

Winner: A.J. Styles


It was the Awesome One vs the Phenomenal One. Miz wanted retribution for his lost teeth, and A.J. continued to strive to prove himself to the man in the ring. The Hollywood A Lister ambushed Styles before the bell rang and took him down. the official was able to get them separated to begin the match but it was little better after the bell rang.

It became a back and forth bout but the Miz seemed to have an answer for everything that A.J. threw his way. But in the same regard, Styles had the former world champion well scouted as well as he was able to gain offensive momentum. However, he let himself get a bit overzealous as he attempted to a high risk maneuver that the Miz phenomenally stopped. But the Georgia boy would not be stopped. He was able to counter a super plex and followed it up with a spring board forearm that resulted in a near fall. Styles further showed his tenacity when he kicked out of the Miz’s Skull Crushing Finale! A.J. surprised the WWE Universe when seemingly out of no where he locked in the Calf Crusher submission and Miz was forced to tap.

But the excitement was not finished. Chris Jericho was doing commentary for the match and as it ended he began to speak directly to the Phenomenal One. But A.J. interrupted Y2J and threw out the challenge to face him for a 3rd time at Fastlane. Jericho declined to give Styles an answer but promised to think on it and give him an answer on Smackdown.


Summer Rae vs Paige

Winner: Summer Rae

The hell happened here? Since when did Summer actually win matches against talents like Paige? It was more back and forth than it should have been. Paige however hesitated a we bit too long to lock in the PTO and Summer surprised her by rolling her up to pick up the win.


Paul Heyman Has a Message for Roman Reigns

Ladies and Gents, Paul Heyman is in the building and once again promising the WWE universe that it will be Brock Lesnar who will win at Fastlane and then go on to face Triple H for the championship at Wrestlemania. But he was out there because he wished to say something to Roman Reigns. However, he wished to say what he had to say while looking in the Samoan’s eyes.  When one summons Roman he typically appears and this time was no different.

The message the Beast’s advocate had for the Powerhouse was simply this, at Fastlane he would have to chose between his family and his friendship. Because not only was Lesnar standing in the way of Reigns’ dream, but so was his brother in arms, Dean Ambrose. Roman laughed it off and told Paul that he and Ambrose knew exactly what was at stake. They had fought in the past, will fight in the future and at Fastlane they will have no problems fighting one another for a shot to face Triple H. Paul Heyman accepted this and exited the ring.

As Roman watched Paul leave, the Dudley Boys attacked Reigns! They took the big man down but it was Dean Ambrose to the rescue and he turned the tides and was able to fight off D-Von and Bubba! But as the Dudley’s retreated, the Lunatic Fringe gave Roman a taste of what he could expect come Sunday as he snatched Reigns and almost executed Dirty Deeds on him. Roman was visibly shaken that his brother would take advantage of him, but Ambrose pointed at the Wrestlemania sign hanging above the ring and told his brother, that he has to be ready. Reigns took it in stride but still eyed his buddy warily.


Heath Slater vs Zack Ryder

Winner: Heath Slater

What better way to begin a match than with a victory lap? Perhaps by actually preparing for the match? The Internet Champion had Heath Slater all but beat until the other Social Outcasts interfered and allowed the Red Dragon to pick up the win over Zack Ryder.


The Lucha Dragons & Neville vs The League of Nations

Winner: The League of Nations

The high flying team of the Lucha Dragons and Neville gave everything they had against the bigger and more powerful team of Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio and Rusev. After an exciting showing of their high risk prowess, the League of Nations regrouped and took control of the match. They dominated the United States Champion, Kalisto, in an effort to soften him up for his title defense on Sunday against Del Rio. There was a bit of a rally after Sin Cara was tagged in, but nothing that wasn’t shut down as quickly as it began. Del Rio picked up the win for his team and a good bit of momentum heading into Sunday as he jumped from the top rope to the middle of the ring to deliver a double foot stomp to Sin Cara to pin the luchador!


Becky Lynch vs Naomi

Winner: Becky Lynch

Earlier in the evening, Becky Lynch received a super kick from Tamina in the back. This fired up the Irish Lass kicker who, as the bell rang was all over Naomi. Sure Naomi was no push over in the match as she displayed her athletic abilities by delivering a flurry of powerful kicks to Lynch. But Ultimately, it was the fiery Becky, who locked in the Disarmer and forced Naomi to tap.

However, Tamina took exception to her team mates loss and attacked Becky. Naomi joined in on the attack, but when Sasha Banks came out and made her way into the ring, the rest of the former Team B.A.D. showed their unity as they retreated from their former team mate. The match on Fastlane between Naomi & Tamina vs Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch promises to be a great match.


Big Show vs Braun Strowman

Winner: Big Show

The Wyatt Family have made it their mission to take out the titans of the WWE in order to place themselves up on the pedestal for the WWE universe to worship. Just one big issue with that, the current WWE titans will not be going down without a fight. The claimed to have taken out Kane and Ryback. And now, the Big Show was going to be next to fall to the most destructive force in the WWE today.

And the match appeared to be going just as Bray promised. Strowman was giving one helluva fight to the Big Show. No one on the current roster has manhandled the world’s largest athlete like the Black Sheep did. But Show would not stay down and he slowly began to turn the tides in the match. But as quickly as it began, it ended abruptly as the Wyatt Family stormed the ring and began a 4 on 1 assault on the giant man.

This brought Ryback out to try and aid the Big Show but while it helped, not even their combined strength was enough to turn the tides. The Wyatts only retreated after Kane erupted from under the ring to surprise them. The WWE’s current titans all stood strong together and stared down the threat to their existence and threat to the WWE Universe.

– Angelic Heel

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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