Hi everyone, Bryan Here…

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We are only a few days away from the 87th annual Oscar ceremony, which airs live this Sunday. Again, we will be delivering a live commentary full of jokes, trivia, facts, winners, losers, and giving away free gifts throughout the night. So please, keep it right here during the Oscars and use the hashtag #boomstickcomics when posting to social media. But, let’s talk about predictions for a minute. I’m sure some of you have put some money down on Oscar pools at works or with your friends to see who comes out the winner this year. There were some excellent movies this year along with some amazing performances, so needless to say, this year will be extremely difficult to predict.

But I’m going to give it a go with my personal picks as well as who i actually think will take home the golden statue. I really do hope the Academy allows John Cho and Kal Penn (Harold and Kumar) come on stage with this year’s host Neil Patrick Harris to do a skit or a joke. That would make my day. Or maybe Neil will come out at some point in a doctor’s uniform, whether it be Doogie Howser or Dr. Horrible. Either of those would be fine. But let’s move on to the categories shall we?

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

This should go to ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel‘. Nothing else came close to it this year. But the academy might give it to ‘The Imitation Game’. But I’m still going with the former.

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM

Feast‘ is hands down the best here. It was shown before Disney’s ‘Big Hero 6’ film and centers on a cute puppy dog. If this doesn’t win, we riot.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

‘Everything is Awesome’ from the LEGO movie needs to win here. What other song last year have you kept singing and actually enjoyed it. That’s right, nothing. I can see the Academy giving it to the song from ‘Selma’ called ‘Glory’, but again. It doesn’t deserve it.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

For the sole reason that the Roger Ebert documentary ‘Life Itself’ wasn’t nominated, makes this category a shit show this year. But I feel if you are playing along, it might go to ‘Citizen Four‘. But fuck this category this year.

BEST FILM EDITING

This award should go to ‘Whiplash‘. There wasn’t a better edited film than this movie last year. The entire film was perfect and that last climactic scene alone, along with the music was done flawlessly. However, I can see the Academy give it to ‘Boyhood’ for the twelve years of off and on shooting and editing. For that reason alone, it doesn’t deserve it. Give it to ‘Whiplash‘.

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

They should give this award to two films this year. ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ and ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes’. The visual effects and CG in these films push the bounds of excellence. Would be happy if either film won. But if I had to choose, ‘Dawn of the Planet of the Apes‘ would be my choice.

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

How the fuck was ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ not nominated here, but ‘Inherent Vice’ was? Shameful. ‘The Grand Budapest Hotel’ deserves this one completely, but I can see some Disney flop getting the award, which is clearly doesn’t deserve. Go ‘Grand Budapest Hotel‘ here.

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

This needs to go to ‘Birdman‘, hands down. The film was shot to look like there are zero cuts or edits in the film. On top of that, it was framed perfectly, colorful, and flawless.

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

I can see the Academy trying to give the award to ‘Foxcatcher’ for Steve Carell’s transformation into the creepy, molester-look alike monster he was in the film. And while ‘Grand Budapest Hotel’ had that one scene with a very old Tilda Swinton that look impressive, it wasn’t enough to make any sort of impression. That being said, give it to ‘Guardians of the Galaxy‘. Out of those three choices, it’s the one that deserves it the most.

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

I see this being between ‘How to Train Your Dragon 2’ and ‘Big Hero 6’. That’s who I think the academy will give the gold to. But man, how cool would it be if it went to ‘The Tale of the Princess Kaguya’, which is a studio Ghibli film and hand painted on watercolor. That would be badass. That’s who I want to win, but my gut tells me it will be ‘Big Hero 6‘.

BEST FOREIGN FILM

How the fuck was ‘Force Majeur’ not nominated here. It was clearly the best film in the foreign category. Shit on this category for that reason. But, if you have to choose, make it ‘Ida‘.

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

I swear to the gods, if this award goes to ‘American Sniper’, I’m turning off the fucking broadcast and shit will be over. This needs to go to ‘Whiplash’ for sure, but I can see the Academy giving it to ‘The Theory of Everything’. The only way that works for me is if the real Stephen Hawking rolled up on stage and spoke. But go for ‘Whiplash‘ here.

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

Man, what a difficult category. Each nomination is great. In my educated and humble opinion, this definitely needs to go to ‘Grand Budapest Hotel‘, strictly for the dialect and use of language here. It’s pretty difficult to write in this form, but it was perfect, poetic, and hilarious. I would also be happy if ‘Birdman’ or ‘Nightcrawler’ won this too. If ‘Boyhood’ or ‘Foxcatcher’ wins this, I won’t be too happy.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

While I enjoyed Patricia Arquette in ‘Boyhood’, there were better performances this year. So if she wins, I won’t be happy. However, both Laura Dern in ‘Wild’ and Emma Stone in ‘Birdman’ were excellent. I really hope Laura Dern receives it (and no, it’s not jsut because i had lunch with her years ago and tried to give her a Jurassic Park ring), but because she was the best this year. Go with her, however the Academy might give it to Stone.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

It has to be between Edward Norton for ‘Birdman’ and J.K. Simmons for ‘Whiplash’. For fuck’s sake give it to Simmons so he can get up on the mic and berate everyone. That would be amazing, but he totally deserves it. He plays that part so well. He’s a complete asshole, but you kind of want him to be the asshole to you. That’s hard to do. And Norton is just amazing here too. My vote is for Simmons here, but can see the Academy going to Norton. If anyone else wins here, it will undeserved.

BEST ACTRESS

I think the Academy will be giving the gold to Julianne Moore this year for ‘Still Alice’, however, Reese Witherspoon was fantastic in ‘Wild’. Either choice is good, but I hope it’s Witherspoon.

BEST ACTOR

If fucking Bradley Cooper wins the Oscar here, count me the fuck out for the next three years of the Oscar ceremonies. He does not deserve to be on this ballot, nor does he deserve the win. If this happens, you can believe the Oscars are full of cunts who have no idea what they’re doing. Steve Carell was excellent here, but he is more supporting than lead, so he doesn’t belong. And I know the Academy will want to award Eddie Redmayne for playing Stephen Hawking in ‘The Theory of Everything’, but that shouldn’t happen. This is Michael Keaton’s year. He deserves is more than anyone here. Michael Keaton all the way.

BEST DIRECTOR

While I would like to see two Texas natives win (Wes Anderson and Richard Linklater) take home the Oscar, I really think ‘Birdman’ director Alejandro González deserves it here. That’s who I’m going with. I do think Wes Anderson deserves it over Linklater, but given the gimmick with ‘Boyhood’, it might go to Linklater. But again, I’m going with Alejandro González.

BEST FILM OF 2014

Again, if ‘American Sniper’ or ‘Selma’ wins this category, it will prove that Academy are a bunch of tossers and sheep-shaggers, who have no clue what the fuck they are doing. And yes, I’d stop watching. My favorite film of the year was ‘Whiplash’, but I know that won’t win. In fact, if ‘Whiplash’ does win, I’ll strip off all my clothes and go streaking down my street yelling ‘Whiplash’ and post it online. That’s how sure I am of it not winning. Instead, I think it will be between ‘Birdman’ and ‘Boyhood’, with ‘Boyhood’ coming out ahead, because of the 12-year gimmick. So my choice – ‘Whiplash‘, what will really happen – ‘Boyhood‘.

Now let’s see how close I am win the winners are announced. And please, let me know your predictions.

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CLICK HERE TO PRINT OUT YOUR OSCAR BALLOT! (PDF)

CLICK HERE TO PRINT OUT YOUR OSCAR BALLOT! (PDF)

 

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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