Angelic Heel Here…

WWE took Dallas, TX by storm for the 1/19/15 Royal Rumble go home show, or as it was so rightly called, RAW Reunion! The WWE Universe had hints of what it could expect, but nothing could compare to what was actually delivered. Champions, Legends, and WWE Hall of Famers all stepped into the squared circle this week as we continued on home stretch to the Royal Rumble.



 WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Brock Lesnar, made his presence felt first and foremost as the show opened. Flanked by his advocate, Paul Heyman, the Beast Incarnate was still seething from being curb stomped into dream land last week. Hostility radiated from the champion as he stalked around the ring. As Heyman began his advocating duties, the Champion grabbed the microphone and cut right to the chase. He wanted the living breathing undisputed future of the WWE and Future Champion, Seth Rollins, right then and there! Brock then gave Rollins 10 seconds to get to the ring.

Instead of Mr. Money in the Bank, The champ and his advocate got the COO and one half of the Authority, Triple H. Hunter made a peace offering of cow flesh to the champion to appease his need for blood while he and Paul conducted business. He also pointed out that Seth had been suplexed first before the curb stomp (turn about is fair play boys, all hail moral high ground!) But Lesnar would not be calmed so easily, he wanted a fight. This prompted the other half of the Authority, Stephanie McMahon, to come out and try her hand at alleviating the  high tensions in the ring. Seth then appeared on the screen and blessed the WWE Universe with his visage as he taunted Brock Lesnar. The standard bearer of the Authority had other plans, as his mind games began knowing full well that the emotions of the Beast would be his undoing.

To further escalate the situation, spot light addict, John Cena felt that he needed to rudely interject himself in other people’s business sporting yet ANOTHER shirt that made my eyes bleed.  Cena stated his delusional intentions of winning the Championship at the Royal Rumble and use it to bring back the men he got fired. As he attempted to leave, Stephanie called him back and reminded him, that Cena was responsible for the Authority being back in power and that Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan were fired because he turned his back on them. The savior of the WWE then gave voice to what we all know, that, “Everyone thinks John Cena is a failure, except John Cena.” Feeling a bit emboldened by the success of further insults toward the people who know what’s best for business, Cena offered the stipulation, that if he won the title that the Authority should give Dolph, Ryback, and Erick their jobs back. Triple H however, shot that down stating that John had failed already in his attempt to bring them back  last week.

Triple H, feeling benevolent, felt the need to give John Cena one more chance to redeem himself. Was Cena really willing to do anything to bring back the three men he betrayed? Would he put his shot at the World Heavyweight Championship on the line? Well, it wasn’t up to the face that thinks it runs the place, it would be up to the WWE Universe! Should John Cena compete in a match with the stipulations: If John Cena won, Ryback, Erick Rowan, & Dolph Ziggler would be rehired. If John Cena lost, then he lost his title opportunity.



Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt

Winner: Bray Wyatt via pinfall

 The leader of the Yes Movement began strong and was a flurry of feet and fist on the Eater of Worlds.  Any doubts about Daniel Bryan’s in ring abilities since his injury silenced as he showed no sign of relenting as he forced Bray Wyatt to retreat to the outside. Things further escalated as the Corporate Demon, Kane, felt the need to get a closer inspection of the farm animal turned professional wrestler and made his way ring side. This distraction allowed Wyatt to take control of the Yes troll, and momentum would stay his for a while as he delivered his trade mark unorthodox hard hitting offense. But Bryan would rally and unleash yet another flurry of kicks and submissions that would nearly win him the match. But because Kane knew that bearded trolls have short attention spans, Bray was able to hit a Sister Abigail for the win thanks to a distraction by Kane. The Director of Operations would then make his presence felt as he entered the ring and delivered a merciless choke slam to a dazed Bryan, putting him out of his misery.

Fun Fun Fun match. Daniel once again proved that goats were apt fliers (or maybe that’s a troll power?) He had Bray Wyatt reeling on more than one occasion and the use of submission holds is sorely missed. I love the pairing of Bryan and Wyatt. The clashing of styles made for a great feast of the eyes. It was like a battle of the beards. Glad to see Bray get the win. Shows that he is on his way to becoming an A+ player. But then again, how hard is it really to put a B+ down? Especially when that B+ is a farm animal? Our esteemed Director of Operations further proved that the leader of the Yes-movement lacks what it takes, and I am looking forward to their match on Smackdown this Thursday. Daniel Bryan’s spot in the Royal Rumble is at stake in a no DQ match against everybody’s favorite Corporate Demon.



Royal Rumble Legends Panel

 It’s always a party when the Nature Boy Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels are in the ring. Byron Saxton hosted the panel of legends and picked their brain on who they thought would win the Royal Rumble. Shawn picked: Bray Wyatt. Hogan picked: Daniel Bryan. Ric picked: Dean Ambrose. There seemed to be a bit of tension between Hogan and Michaels but it was laughed off before it got too serious. But every party occasionally gets a crasher. Que the Big Show.  *eye roll*

The World’s Largest Athlete  took it personally that not one of the legends had picked him to win the Rumble. He stated that each of the Hall of Famers was jealous of him and then tells the “washed up has beens,” (guess no one told him he was a washed up has been <.<) to get out of his ring. Ric Flair, then decides that it is in his best interest to attempt to take on the 7ft monster and it ends in disaster. This brings out the Samoan Superman to the rescue! Roman enters the ring and locks up with Show driving him from the Big Dog’s yard. Big Show clearly out matched and out classed, retreats to the back.

I enjoyed this segment. All three of the HOFs have a great chemistry and play off each other. Gotta say I’m surprised by Shawn’s pick, but since when did HBK ever do anything that was predictable? Doesn’t surprise me that Hogan would pick the Goat faced Troll to win. He clearly drinks the good guy koolaid. (It’s fruity pebble flavored) Ric’s choice I’m totally down with. Bout time the Rumble got Unstable! Who’s my pick? Well that’s an answer for another time. 😉 Roman looked great. and OMG! It must be that I’m a chick because I marked out over his vest. Why? It was his old Shield gear! Who else noticed? Does it matter in the long run? Nah, but it did give me a happy. Believe That!



Bad News Barrett vs Dean Ambrose

Winner: Dean Ambrose via pinfall

 Bad News Barrett went toe to toe with the Unstable one and it was a doosy of a match. Both men, known for their particular styles, clashed violently with Ambrose controlling most of the match. That isn’t to say that Barrett was a push over. Certainly not, he is the Intercontinental Champion with good reason. He was able to land some vicious blows that had the Lunatic Fringe on the ropes on multiple occasions. Wade sensing the time to end the match was close tried for the Bullhammer Elbow, missed. Tried to go for Wasteland but Ambrose countered into a Dirty Deeds for the pin fall on the champion!

This match was not a technical beauty but if you like to watch brawling and fighting, this one was definitely up your alley. It wasn’t anything too memorable but just entertaining. I will always sing Dean Ambrose’s praises because his style is so unique and it is always a treat for me to see it in action against other styles, even one as close to it as Barrett’s brawling skills. This win over the champion, puts Dean in line for a title shot. He held United States title gold, so he clearly has what it takes to be a champion. Do I think he will win? Nope. Does the fangirl in me want him to? Yep. Let’s just see how this plays out. I’d love to be pleasantly surprised.



The New Day vs Tyson Kidd & Cesaro

Winner: The New Day via pinfall

 In a match that was anything but memorable, the New Day took on Tyson Kidd and Cesaro. There were some cool moments but nothing that drew one in. The casual fan would have gotten bored. Hell, a not casual fan would have found it hard to stay invested in the match. If you blinked, you missed the match. The New Day picked up the win. How? Dunno, I blinked >.>

My theory is now a proven fact. Natalya at ringside is horrible for Tyson Kidd, Tyson is a great wrestler, Cesaro is a great wrestler. They click as a team, don”t understand the whole Adam Rose thing, but even it clicks in some weird twisted logic. They click as a 3 man group more than New Day does. Perhaps it’s just a lack of a real story here that makes me and the rest of the WWE Universe just not care. Okay, I care about the Swiss Superman and the Fact Dropper (as long as Nattie isn’t with him,) the New Day? Not so much.



nWo (and then some) Reunited

 It wouldn’t be called Raw Reunion without a reunion right? Well WWE did not disappoint when the NWO’s music hit and the crowd erupted. Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and X-Pac waltzed out like they owned the place and entered the ring to a thunderous ovation. Nash made mention that the WWE would not be where it is today without he nWo. But the festivities in the ring was cut short as the dominating team of the Ascension interrupted.  Viktor and Konor both let the men in black and white know exactly what they think of them, stating that the Ascension is a better tag team than anything that came out of WCW.

But surprise surprise!!! JBL was sick of hearing my beloved Ascension spot the truth and decided he needed to have a little reunion of his own. For those of you who know nothing, John BRADSHAW Layfield was one half of the most ass kicking tag team in all of the Attitude Era, The Acolyte Protection Agency, or APA. The Beer drinking, card playing duo that you did NOT want to cross. And JBL just happened to make a call to his old partner Ron. Out comes the other half of the APA and business picks up as both men enter the ring surrounding the Ascension.

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any more epic, Oh You Didn’t Know? *NO EFFING WAY!!!!* The New Age Outlaws, Road Dogg Jesse James, Bad Ass Billy Gunn are in the house and they too enter the ring. At this point I’m like Ascension who? (sorry guys, kisses!) These old school teams of my childhood show Konor and Viktor they still have a ways to go before they can call themselves the best. Konor ate mat and Viktor got a Clothesline From Hell ala JBL.

I loved this. Couldn’t help it. Sorry Konor. Sorry Viktor. But of course now my brain is teeming with ideas on how this could be followed up. Perhaps my NXT boys find retribution on JBL, perhaps the NAO could start a thing with the Ascension. The Ascension need guys who are not newblets to fight. The New Age Outlaws have been brought in against other teams before (The Shield) why not The Ascension. The matches would be epic, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn are still amazing athletes even though they aren’t wrestling any more. Their work against the Shield a year ago was still good stuffs. Please Wrestling Gods in your Divine Squared Circle, can you make this happen??



Summer Rae & Alicia Fox vs Natalya & Paige

Winner: Natalya & Paige via submission

 So this match didn’t suck but it wasn’t great either. But the point is, it didn’t suck and I thought it would considering Summer Rae was in it. It was pretty even for most of the match with Nattie and Paige taking a slight lead over their competitors. It was a short sweet match that again proves my theory of Tyson and Nattie shouldn’t accompany each other as Nattie looked great. The end came when Natalya super kicked Alicia into the waiting arms of Paige who then locked her in the PTO forcing the crazy Diva to tap.

It didn’t suck, so I will give credit where credit is due. Diva’s division, good on you for not sucking on Raw!! Keep up the progression and one day you may be on par with the NXT ladies.*golf clap*



Rusev vs R-Truth

Winner: Rusev via submission

 Two Words. Squash Match. Sure R-Truth attempted an offense and it almost appeared to work. But the Bulgarian Brute shook it off and crushed R-Truth easily. The win came when Truth was put into the Accolade. Not much more to say other than, Rusev is a super Athlete and he will be a big contender in the Royal Rumble. He won’t win, but I see him getting a few eliminations under his belt before ultimately going over the top rope himself.

Uh… that’s all I got on this one.



The Miz vs Jey Uso

Winner: Jey Uso via pinfall

 Didn’t we see this match last week? If not, woah Deja vu! but no we did see this before. Just had a different ending. This time Jey Uso won! yay I guess… but this match up is stale. Guys when I can’t find anything memorable about the match except that Mizdow is still the best part of it, then there is a serious issue. Sure the Uso’s are fun to watch, love me some high flyers. And I like Miz too, but Mizdow is simply preforming better than the men in the ring and his opponent is air. I know this is supposed to build up their match at Royal Rumble, but again dudes, guys, homey G dawgs, Ya’ll are starting to bore me and I’m easily amused. Step it up at the Rumble and quit putting the WWE Universe to sleep with stale matches that we literally saw a few days ago. Otherwise my recap will be, SMDD (Same Match, Different Day)



John Cena vs Seth Rollins, Kane, & The Big Show

3 vs 1 Handicap Match


John Cena Wins: Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, & Erick Rowan get their jobs back

John Cena Loses: He’s out of the Championship match at Royal Rumble

Winner: John Cena via pinfall

 So the WWE Universe either has a ton of faith in Cena, or they really don’t want him in the Championship match at Royal Rumble (wanna guess which camp I’m in? ^_^) 85% of those who voted on the WWE app decided that John should be in the match against Mr. Money in the Bank, Seth Rollins, Director of Operations, Kane, and the Big Show.  This match was so beautiful for the beginning of it. John was getting man handled and destroyed and I was cheering on the valiant team representing what was best for business. Sure Cena attempted to fight back, landing moves here or there, but the team work and camaraderie of Rollins, Kane and Show just would not be stopped.

But every team has a weak link. And who knew that this team’s weakest member was also its largest member? (Me that’s who grrrr that Show!) He failed to land a high risk (for him) maneuver and it allowed Cena to create enough of a separation and get enough of his wind back that he began to build momentum. Things began to shift in his favor and neither Kane or the Big Show could wrest control back from him. Luckily the savior of the WWE, Seth Rollins, saved the match for his team and as he was about to hit the fateful curb stomp that would keep those mutineers on their couches at home….

What the bloody hell is Sting doing on the screen???

No Way.. Not Again… Sting is on the ramp?? Wait! No! WHAT’S GOING ON! John Cena rolled up Rollins for the win?! Where the hell is Cena going?? ARRRGHH!!! THAT DAMN Scorpion!!! Triple H feels my pain as he screamed for that vigilante to get his painted ass back out after he disappeared back into the back. Was it Sting who came back nope. Sure wasn’t. It was the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar.  And what does our esteemed champion do? Goes to attack the future Champion! (Out of jealousy I’m sure. He can feel his time is nearing its end.) Big Show and Kane sacrifice themselves for the greater good and take F-5s like good minions allowing the Savior to escape mostly unharmed-ish.

*takes a deep breath*

Okay… first… great match. Not to keen on the end. Hate a Cena victory. Just means his ego is gonna get bigger and he’s gonna want more friggin spot light cuz now he thinks he’s some sorta hero. He’s NOT! He got Dolph, Ryback, and Erick fired in the first place. And if it wasn’t for that frigging vigilante, Sting, Cena would still be the failure I know he really is, that deep down he knows he really is. Rollins was robbed again! But I can live with it. Come Royal Rumble, all will fall to the superior talent and skill and intelligence that is the undisputed, living breathing future of the WWE, and Future World Heavyweight Champion, Seth Rollins. The Rollins Era begins at Royal Rumble.


Angelic Heel

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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