Mike P., Here…


A quick note before we get to the Survivor Series preview: as Bryan mentioned earlier, the WWE Network is free in November for new subscribers. My reaction? You should all be ashamed of yourselves. 

I subscribed to the WWE Network about 30 seconds after sign-ups opened, and it’s the second best decision I made in 2014, behind proposing to my now fiance and tied with purchasing a 66 pound pig for a pig roast. It’s phenomenal. I can come home from work and be watching Survivor Series 1992 within about 45 seconds. I watch NXT every week, which reminds me why I liked wrestling in the first place. I have access to EVERY PAY-PER-VIEW EVER. And you sorry sons of bitches can’t pay Vince McMahon $9.99 every month for that privilege? Get over yourselves. 


Here’s the other thing: this is actually a pretty good time to be a wrestling fan. Smart people are writing about it (David Shoemaker aka the Masked Man, Kenny Herzog, Brandon Stroud (sort of)), there is an influx of new talent, the Cena Era will be going through a major transition any day now, and YOU CAN HAVE NEARLY THE ENTIRE WWE LIBRARY AT YOUR FINGERTIPS FOR JUST $9.99 PER MONTH. And somehow, that isn’t good enough for you. You sat on your damn hands and waited until it was free. And then you’re probably going to complain about how the Survivor Series was “bad booking” and then hem and haw until it gets to Wrestlemania, at which time you’ll get super into wrestling again and wonder why it isn’t like this all year. Here’s why it’s not like that all year: because the best stuff happens at Wrestlemania. If the whole year was as good as Wrestlemania Season, you would complain that Wrestlemania was “just another show”. Damn you people. You’re insufferable. 

You know what? Don’t watch the Survivor Series. More bandwidth for me. Here’s your damn Survivor Series preview anyway. 

So Who Gets to Kill Seth Rollins?


The advertised main event of this Sunday’s Survivor Series is a traditional elimination match pitting Team Cena v. Team Authority, with the stipulation that if Team Cena wins, the Authority is “out of power.” While it’s highly unlikely that there will be any substance to this stipulation, we are getting to closer to answering the pivotal question of this winter: who gets to kill Seth Rollins?

Since turning on the Shield in June, Seth Rollins has become the best (read: slimiest) villain in WWE. In an era in which every good guy tries to be a bad ass anti-hero and every bad guy tries to be a bad-ass anti-hero, Rollins has distinguished himself by being a cowardly scumbag who hides behind the Authority while they place him in increasingly advantageous positions at the expense of the rest of the roster.

A character like that should make some enemies. And Rollins has done just that. Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Kane, Randy Orton and even Brock Lesnar all have legitimate grievances against him.  That’s most of the main event talent on the roster, which means that we are going to see Seth Rollins get his comeuppance in spectacular fashion…we just don’t know when.


Ideally, Rollins will find a way to defeat Team Cena on Sunday, keeping his support network in place as we head towards Wrestlemania Season (my favorite season). The worst case scenario would be a Team Cena victory that leads to several months of Triple H and Stephanie trying to weasel their way back into power. We would then see Rollins get dispatched (probably by a returning Reigns) in a non-main event storyline and a lot of Cena v. Triple H screen time. If the end result of this Wrestlemania Season is a Cena v. Triple H match, I will be upset. Very upset. 

So root for Seth Rollins and Team Authority to pull out a victory this Sunday at the Survivor Series. It will make the payoff that much sweeter. 

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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