Jana B., Here…


Have movie makers gone SO dry of original ideas that they continue to re-make perfectly good movies that aren’t even that old, yet? I take these re-makes personally since most of them are from the 80’s, which means I grew up on the films they destroy with a re-birth. Was Patrick Swayze really one of those actors that was so horrible, none of his work is safe from a re-make? Let us keep in mind that Swayze is now a verb, not just a noun. It takes an epic actor to make that kind of difference.  Not only did they have to annihilate the Red Dawn I grew up with, there are still projects  in the works that will destroy Dirty Dancing, Point Break and Ghost! I can  add to that list of Swayze comfort movies that seem destined for destruction, Road House. It’s the sad truth.

Rob Cohen, the guy that brought us the original The Fast and the Furious and xXx, is the director that is looking to re-make Road House. Michael Stokes will screenwrite. Stokes, who has spent much of his career writing the words for all manner of animated animals to say is going to butcher Road House? I’m sorry, I didn’t include that he wrote Iron Eagle IV. Anyone remember Iron Eagle IV? I don’t! So forgive me for not thinking this re-make is in safe hands.

The original Road House centered on a bouncer named James Dalton (Swayze) who is hired to lead security at a violent bar in Missouri. Its initial release may have not made big bank at the box office, but keep in mind that the cult following of this movie is made up of a lot of people that couldn’t exactly drive to the theaters, then!

Cohen’s last movie was the critical and financial failure that was Alex Cross. Don’t even get me started on what film has done to the Cross series by James Patterson. I am not kind there, at all! So Cohen’s last movie was such a failure that he’s awarded with Road House to make good with? I don’t see the reasoning. Then again, I’m biased towards 80’s movies, Patrick Swayze and James Patterson. So I’m not going to be happy, either way. I imagine this movie is going to rest aside recent remakes of Footloose and The Karate Kid as movies I refuse to watch. Then again, I need to remember that Cohen gave us The Monster Squad (Wolfman’s got nards!), and he’s perfectly content to pass it over to Michael Bay for re-make. Michael-who-blows-everything-up-whether-it-needs-it-or-not-Bay. So Cohen’s judgment is not exactly re-assuring. Add to that the script coming from the writer of Iron Eagle IV and I’m not convinced this will be anything but busy work and a paycheck for them.

Those that are worried that this could alienate original fans of the movie, unless it’s turned into a mega-watt homage to the original, can already consider us alienated. They could full on Swayze this film and it would still suck.



By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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