Jun/2018

The Ryan Gosling Jacket Investigation!!

by Gumbercules9000 on Oct 13th, 2017

Written By: Dan Moran….

There have been tweets and style articles written about Ryan Gosling’s jackets over the past year, but after seeing Blade Runner 2049 last night, are we sure he’s ever read a script? Would it really be so ridiculous to assume that almost every role that Ryan Gosling has ever played was based on his agent just laying two jackets out and Ryan deciding which one was better? More importantly, is Ryan Gosling even a good actor? Are we sure his jackets aren’t giving him this power?

An investigation has been opened.

The Notebook (2004)

Ryan obviously had some earlier roles but didn’t start to use a jacket as a project decision maker until 2004’s The Notebook. No one else could pull that jacket off with them MC Hammer 1950s pants but who does? Gosling. He could show up in that jacket to a premiere in 2017 and steal your girl. Also would The Notebook have been a believable love story without this “meet cute” with this jacket? You expect Rachel McAdams to pretend to like Ryan Gosling without a jacket this cool? McAdams is a great actress but nobody is that good.

Half Nelson (2006)

For Half Nelson, Ryan’s agent said “Hey Ryan, you’re never going to wear the jacket but in several scenes you’ll drape this thin cardigan/jacket over your shoulder and look cooler than anyone who has ever taught in public school ever.”

Fracture (2007)

Fracture is where Ryan Gosling started to use the suit jacket to his advantage. I was an Assistant DA for a while and an attorney for over 6 years and if someone ever looked like the photo above in the court house they had a drug habit. Not Gosling though, the jacket just made him look stressed.

Lars and the Real Girl (2007)

Lars & The Real Girl is actually a really underrated weird movie from 2007. It had an extremely quirky Gosling performance that may have been 100% due to this jacket. I don’t know.

Blue Valentine (2010)

Nobody should ever watch this movie because it is depressing as hell and really crushes your soul for 2 hours. However, it was a turning point in Gosling’s career because I think when his agent laid this jacket on the table over the script, for the first time in his career he felt like an A-list star.

Crazy Stupid Love (2011) / Drive (2011) / The Ides of March (2011)

When I wrote a ‘Year End Movie Review’ in 2011, I declared this year the “Year of Gosling.” I thought it was because he was in 3 extremely well done movies with 3 different and unique characters in the same calendar year but I realize I may be wrong… it was 3 dope ass jackets…

The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)

Ryan’s agent says, “Hey Ryan, remember that awesome white jacket from ‘Drive’? Well I have a role where the jacket is red.” Ryan was on a plane to film this movie before his agent could even show him a picture of the red jacket.

Gangster Squad (2013)

Gangster Squad is a really terrible movie from start to finish but I think that Ryan’s agent told him that he needed to diversify his jacket portfolio and a period piece would round out his jacket resume so he took it.

Only God Forgives (2013)

This is a bit of a cheat. Ryan had to take his jacket off very slowly in order to fight people in this movie but left his 3 piece vest on while he fought. A vest is sort of like a sleeveless jacket… also this movie wasn’t very good. Maybe if he left the jacket on it would’ve been better? We’ll never know but he learned from this mistake and went back to the jacket-well as soon as he could.

The Big Short (2015)

Well look what we have here! Ryan puts on a jacket that only an asshole would wear and he plays a very smug asshole. Nailed it! He got back on track with The Big Short deriving the power from the jacket he wore to play a really interesting character.

The Nice Guys (2016)

A real opportunity to show the range of his jacket acting powers. A movie set in the 1970s allowed for multiple jackets but few are as important as the scene above when we learn that Ryan’s jackets can also get wet. Need to show that your character is drowning under the weight of an unforgiving World? Tempted by suicide and depression? Don’t have your actor emote… show the jacket literally and figuratively drowning. No Academy Award for this jacket was a travesty.

La La Land (2016)

There is absolutely no chance that Ryan knew he would have to sing or dance in this film. All he was shown was this red jacket and keyboard guitar and signed the contract. Little did he know this scene would be 4 minutes long, but luckily the costume designer had some suits and jackets for the other scenes to save the role and film. Did Moonlight have jackets?

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

The pinnacle of jacket roles for Ryan. This movie was 3 hours long and he had this jacket on for at least 2.5 hours of it. Did he want to work with Harrison Ford, Villanueve, and star in a Sci-Fi blockbuster? No. He wanted to wear that damn jacket for nearly 3 hours. Well done Ryan. Look where your jackets have brought you!

In conclusion, do we know if Ryan Gosling is a good actor? No. We don’t. We never will. His jacket role decision making has been too strong for nearly a decade. He’s like a superhero where his acting power is derived from jackets and we don’t know how good he will be if he takes the jackets off.

My wife seemed to enjoy the scene in Crazy, Stupid, Love where he had nothing on at all but I really felt like that part of the performance was missing something. The character in this scene was really forced, terrible, and not charming at all… I don’t get why women liked him in this particular scene. Probably could’ve used a jacket. 

Dan Moran

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