Fernando M., here….

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Let me set this stage.  We open on a scene in 1969 involving a guy that has obviously snapped and is muttering, “don’t think it – don’t say it – don’t think it – don’t say it.”  Pretty good setup, huh?  Then it moves to three teenagers in a creepy house.  Not bad huh?  Then the teenagers are having a party, where one of them has a big brother that has a family that for some reason comes over to this college party with a bunch of underage drinkers, and also he brings a five year old.

So that’s where I’m gonna get started.  THERE’S A FIVE YEAR OLD AT A COLLEGE PARTY.  SHE’S THE ONLY FIVE YEAR OLD AT A COLLEGE PARTY.  AND NOBODY CARES!!!  And then she finds some creepy stuff and of course the college kids are going to do a séance, because, you know, that’s what kids do nowadays.  Those crazy kids with their iPhones and their Napsters and their InstaPhotos, séances, and their damn music (I know, I’m old.) 

So where does ‘The Bye Bye Man‘ come in?  I honestly don’t know. There were some flashbacks that made no sense, and I guess they were almost artfully tied in at the end, but really – they weren’t. 

So here you are thinking, “man, you really hated this movie, huh?”  ACTUALLY, I didn’t.  It was sloppy, the dialogue is forced, and it is clichéd a’plenty, however there’s some cool stuff happening here if you know where to look.

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The premise is fun.   It reminded me of ‘Beetlejuice’, in that if you say his name, he’ll show up and create chaos.  There’s some subtext somewhere in the film about fear and reality, but it totally missed the mark on that one.  Also ‘The Bye Bye Man‘ himself is totally CGI and even has an evil dog.  Regardless, the direction is actually incredibly tight.  It’s a modern movie set in modern times, but it actually has an old school feel.  The three protagonists (Douglas Smith, Lucien Laviscount, and Cressida Bonas) did really well with what they have to work with.  Dorky kid, hot jock dude, pretty girlfriend…stock characters, but they actually had a fair amount of character to them.  Carrie-Anne Moss shows up as a cop who is just so bad at her job, that you wonder how she get the job in the first place.  If you listen closely, you can hear Moss cursing her agent beneath her breath for having to be in this film.

And get this.  Seriously, get ready… FAYE DUNAWAY shows up!  It makes NO SENSE.  AT ALL.  She brought so little to this movie, but hey, whatever, throw in Faye Dunaway, I can dig it.

So ultimately, there’s a lot of potential from everyone involved, but it missed the mark.  However, it is a PG-13 movie, and there were some kids walking out of the theater that looked scared out of their wits.  Bottom line, “The Bye Bye Man, you can take your kids!”

bye bye fern

2 out of 5 Stars

-Fernando Martinez

By Bryan Kluger

Former husky model, real-life Comic Book Guy, genre-bending screenwriter, nude filmmaker, hairy podcaster, pro-wrestling idiot-savant, who has a penchant for solving Rubik's Cubes and rolling candy cigarettes on unreleased bootlegs of Frank Zappa records.

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